repeat// 5SOS

i f*cking hate it here

Gabi

"Ashton, I don't feel too good,"

I knocked on his bedroom door and the lamp came on, Ashton tiredly rubbing his eyes.

"Do you need to puke?"

"No, I just... I feel shaky. And anxious,"

"Sit down, I will get you a drink and a snack,"

He went downstairs, so I climbed into his bed and brought the duvet over me, waiting for him to come back.

"Here is some water, and I brought you another snack bar if you want it,"

"Thanks,"

"What's making you anxious? If you want to say,"

"I have to go to the dentist on Monday,"

"Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry you're losing sleep over that,"

"I hate it,"

"I know, you always have," he said, bringing me into his arms, "You will be just fine, I promise. I will get you something nice,"

"It's Monday evening as well. I have to wait all day,"

"You'll be busy with school,"

"I won't focus,"

"Aren't they really nice to you?"

"I'm still scared,"

I felt myself tearing up again, and buried my head into his chest, sniffling.

"I can't do it,"

"What if I came and waited in my car for you when you come out? We can drive round and you can have a cry, or we can get a milkshake, or go back and smash things,"

"It's fine,"

"Let me know if you change your mind. It's never fun to feel this anxious about something,"

"Dad and Sierra are going,"

"That's good. Have some of your drink,"

I sipped some water, then put it down and tucked myself in, an amused smile appearing on his face.

When I stayed here, I always stuck to the guest/ my room, and had for about the last 8 years.

"Am I kicked out?"

"No,"

"That's unlike you,"

"I don't want nightmares,"

"Okay... see you in the morning then sweetheart,"

He turned his back to me and I managed to fall asleep again, only waking when Ashton did, and kicked me by accident.

"Shit, I forgot you were here. Sorry angel,"

"It's fine,"

"You can go back to sleep,"

I shook my head and felt the anxiety already make a pit in my stomach.

"Ashton I'm gonna cry again and I don't want to cry. I'm always crying,"

"It's okay to need to cry whenever you need to cry. We have to go through the 'motions,"

"But it's annoying,"

"It's annoying because it's a huge change in your life, but you're learning to control your emotions and recognise what upsets you, and that will help you feel less annoyed,"

"I don't wanna do tomorrow,"

"I'm gonna talk to your dad and see if he can change it to the morning, because even if he can't go, I will take you,"