REBORN ( Unedited)

chapter 2.Forgiveness

Life is a chapter with pages,you can't skip to the ending without reading the beginning.

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I stood unfazed, as the white casket took a gradual decent. The preacher who was standing beside me,chant a part of the Bible about the living and the dead, something of sorts,

I wasn't paying attention to his words. I just kept staring at the casket,as it gradually descend 6ft under.

It cost me all the money in my bank account and an argument with Aunty Esosa but I didn't care, I did it for her, my mother.

After all, It is the last thing I owed her,even if she was only a mother to me on her last days on Earth.

It was short,yes. I won't ever exchange that for anything. Even if she cried for Kosi sometimes, which I never said a thing about,I still won't exchange those short happy memories for anything.

For the first time in my life, even if it was for a short while I felt the love of a mother, I felt cared for,I felt loved. I experienced what it feels like to have a mother daughter bounding. I felt cherished.

Even if a year of constantly busting my butt just to pay for chemo that didn't even work,I'm glad it kept her alive, long enough for me to be able to forgive her and finally embrace the joy of having a motherly figure in my life.

When she nagged,I wondered why Kosi would complain about it.

When she nagged, I felt cared for,I felt loved and most especially, that she wanted me as a daughter.

I didn't even realize I had forgiven her even before she asked.

I might have felt like I never had a mother love, deep down I knew I couldn't hate her completely, just like I can't find it in me to hate Kosi or the father.

But it feels relieving to say the word in my head and out loud,even if he hasn't being anything respectively close to a father figure.

For Kosi we used to be close, really close. You would think we were twins.

We had matching outfits, we went shopping - even if I didn't want to-, we had girls night, snuck out to party but all that changed when dad began favouring her over me. Instead of me hating her out of jealousy, she hated me.

I once cried for my sister,once begged, pleaded and asked her to forgive me for a sin I never committed but she never bathe an eye lash at me,instead she would skip away flying into the arms of the father mumbling about her day as they walk pass me.

As days pass, I stop crying for my sister,I accepted that my 16 years old sister I once knew was dead.

Instead, I was giving a 20years old who I no longer know but hate me because of the fact that I couldn't make my father love me.

At first I thought she was scared of she being around me, that the father would turn on her and beat her just like he does to me.

She never believed my word when I told her I was going to protect her from him, if he ever decides to lay a hand on her.

It took me years to realize my baby sis wasn't scared but greedy, just like her father.

I took my eyes off the casket to watch how Kosi, I was trying to find something, anything that would tell me my sister was still in there, somewhere.

For a moment her eyes connected with mine and I was able to see my little sister but there was something there, something foreign.

I squint trying to depict what it wass but she was quick to avert her eyes.