Fated Nirvana || Completed

Chapter 20 || Pinky Promises.

CHAPTER SONG, Moon - Jonah Kagen
Mateo

"Please come with me." she whispered the word's so softly but they still slammed straight into me like a fucken brick.

They threw me back a little, not physically but internally. They played on repeat, echoing like a hunted noise. But thank fuck for them because I can't think about her going alone. I can't stomach knowing that there was a chance she would have facing him alone. All by her self. That thought rip's me apart in ways that left blazing wounds that never heal.

    Use me. I said it. I would say it a million more times. The little boy in my chest has tattooed the words to his fucken forehead and has been yelling them over and over like a broken record. Use me. He is convinced that this will help her, and I'm following his lead because I have no idea what else too do. This isn't who I am. I am putting aside all the fucken thing's I was thought, and everything I believe. All the darkness I had at the tip of my finger tips, at the creak's of my skin, and at the fucken drip of my blood and I'm giving her what the little boy think's she needed.

    Wide eyed, jaw dropped, and in pure shock my darkness is standing in the corner trying to process the words use me. Never has he said the words, never has he even thought them. It went against everything he stood for. Terror. Horror. Madness. Manipulation. Those were words he knew. He understood them, and what to do with them. Use me, so forging to him and he didn't like the taste of it in his mouth. The bitterness, the metallic, the sourness. It tasted wrong to him.

    They were so fucken foreign to me, and I just said them. I keep saying them. The little boy in my chest knows something my darkness doesn't though. It's the only reason I haven't shut him up. He knows compassion, love, softness, calmness, and intimacy. He learned them at a young age, a long time before the darkness in me shoved him in a cell and locked him up for good.

    Now, his trying to teach the beast the meaning of those words. And I know it sounds so fucken stupid, but it's how it feels. Deep in my chest, I feel split in half. Being pulled at the limps in both direction and trying to decide what way I'm supposed to run. I don't know kindness, but I do. I don't know viciousness, but I do. I am both, I know both, but how do I be both? How do I be something I am not? Or am I? I'm so fucken confused that it feels like someone it dragging me in both ways.

    The chestnut eyes that are looking up at me, soft and at ease tell me that listening to the little boy was the right move. That I went the right direction. This time. And the soft breaths she release, the collapse of her chest show's just how heavy it really was. How much she was scared and I could hear the fucken wince of the darkness in my ear. Even he knows that the right choose was the little boy.

    Lina's delict hand's were still clasped in mine, and I wanted more. I wanted to give this girl anything, and everything she wants. I wanted to protect her like she was mine to protect. I wanted to feel her smile radiate deep into me. I wanted the glow of her eyes to shine like every fucken sunrise. I wanted her laugh to never end. I wanted this girl to feel nothing but happiness and I found myself welling to betray the darkness to give it too her.

    I was an idiot for thinking this girl isn't strong. Hell, she is stronger then me. She has lost, she has hurt, and she has had no one protect her from any of it. But I protect those I care about. She spilt tears, but they will be the last once that aren't wiped by me. Anyway I can, I will protect. It's who I was. That much is clear. It's the one thing my parents do have in common. They knew how to protect. And at the end of it, no one threw me to the wolves. I was raised by them, bred to be like them. They come when I call, and I will call every single one of them for her. To protect her.