Dangerous Woman

Chapter 43

Ariana's P.O.V.

When I got home I took a well needed shower washing the events of yesterday off of me. I closed my eyes while getting the rest of Y/N's dried blood off of me. The guilt hit me all over again and I scrubbed my skin until it was raw wanting nothing left of last night on me.

After my shower I ate a little bit because I know Y/N wouldn't want me ignoring my basic needs and drown in self pity or blame, so I ate cereal and drank more water than I have ever drank before. Then after my cereal I ate hummus with a lot of other things surprising myself that I was starving without realizing.

That leads to know with it being 7 in the morning and I'm curled up on Y/N's couch in her favorite hoodie along with her boxers she always used to let me wear. If she wasn't physically here with me then I needed something and her clothes are the closest thing I have to her. I have the remote browsing through movies until I come across the movie Y/N and I first watched when she came to live in my house.

I smile at the memories of us watching Nightmare on Elm Street together. I close my eyes getting a more vivid memory of that night hugging myself tighter remembering how Y/N held me so close making me feel safe.

In that moment I knew that I had more than a crush on my bodyguard and even if she played hard to get I knew that eventually we'd become one.

I then chuckle to myself as I remember her jumping out to scare me but I picked up a random object hitting her in the head. Yes, I still feel bad to this day about it.

God if I could just go back to that night and just start over I would. I raise my hand over my lips replaying the kiss we shared on my couch and how I never wanted it to end.

Everything I said that night about her making me feel different was always the truth. Not once did I ever lie to her about my feelings.

Continuing on replaying various memories I slowly doze off into nothingness hoping the next time I wake up is to be on the way back to the hospital to see Y/N and spend the night with her.

*******************************

I'm jolted awake as my alarm rings into my ear as I fell asleep with my phone under my head. I rub my eyes seeing that it's thirty minutes until Doja and I switch positions so I hurriedly grab everything I possibly could and run out of the house.

I look down seeing I'm in the rather large hoodie and Y/N's boxers with Nike socks on...well the hoodie is more than big enough to cover everything so I don't bother changing.

I turn on my flashers and weave through traffic breaking every law there is but I don't care. I mean technically this is an emergency right? Well if not I'm still not going to stop.

While driving I turn the music up just a bit as I'm on the interstate but freeze when the first song comes on.

"Really?" I ask looking up, "I mean couldn't play Survivor by Destiny's Child or something?" I ask out loud to whoever it is above.

I turn the music down a little lower but just enough to hear it. This song brings on another wave of memories and yes I love them because they remind me of the best times of my life, but that's the thing.

That stuff is in the past. No matter what the outcome is nothing will ever be the same and that's a battle I'm willing to fight. If it means Y/N will be happy in the end then that's just how things are going to be.