Dangerous Woman

Chapter 40

Night before the performance

Y/N's P.O.V.

"Babe I can't thank you enough for opening your home to Ariana. It's something that you didn't even have to do and knowing the history between us, it means a lot to let her stay here." I thank my girlfriend who lays peacefully on my chest tracing tattoos on my side.

Ariana isn't here right now but she is with her brother for the night and knowing she's with him makes me more at ease and it also gives Doja and I time together alone for once.

Doja shrugs and I can tell she's off, "What is it beautiful?" I ask knowing she hasn't been herself the past few days.

Doja let's out a sigh picking her head up and resting it in her hand, "I've just noticed how you and Ariana have gotten back closer. I don't regret letting her in but I don't know I'm just being selfish I guess."

I squint my eyes and move hair out of her face, "It's not selfish so tell me more with how your feeling."

"It's just...I knew what I was getting into when you told me about going back working for her, but I just didn't expect all this. I mean none of us did but I just feel pushed to the side and I feel selfish because of what y'all are going through." She admits sitting up and looking down at me, "I just can't help this fear that grows each day."

I feel bad knowing that Doja has been pushed to the side these past couple of weeks. She shouldn't feel bad because she is my girlfriend and I should also make sure she's okay too but I haven't, "I want to apologize for making you feel that way because it's not right of me to do that. I swear I'm not purposely pushing you to the side and you don't deserve that."

She bites her cheek with gloomy eyes looking at me, "I feel like you're slowly slipping out of my grip and I can't fucking stand it."

I sit up and wrap my arms around her waist tugging her closer to me, "No no you're not losing me Amala I swear."

"C-Can't you see though! We haven't been like how we used to be and trust me I understand the amount of stress both of you are in but what about me?" She asks not really mad but you can tell she's venting her frustrations, "Don't you think I'm fucking terrified not knowing the situation but all I know is things can get dangerous? Y/N I...every night I go to sleep I pray to whoever can hear me that nothing happens to you. Yes it's your job but this is not fair to me either!" She cries as she pokes my chest with more force as she continues, "I just haven't said anything because y'all are under just as much stress as I am maybe more but it's not fair..."

"I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have felt-"

Doja stands up and starts pacing around the room, "Do you know how hard it is to watch both of you comfort each other while I'm over here just on the sidelines?" I can't respond but I do get up walking over to her but Doja stops me holding her hands up, "How you felt with the Sean situation is how I'm feeling now!"

My heart aches at her admition, "No no this isn't like that at all. Doja I would never ever cheat on you because I know how it feels and I don't want to ever inflict that feeling onto you!" I walk to her and thankfully she allows me so now I'm standing right in front of her, "There is nothing for you to worry about because nothing is there. I probably shouldn't say this but yes there is still love for her but it's not what you think. Fuck! Amala you're all I want and I couldn't imagine being with anyone different." I say just above a whisper holding onto her arm gently.

Doja just shoves me away and then walks to me, "God you don't understand!" She raises her voice and I wince as she begins to pound on my chest, "All your promises saying everything is going to be alright and that everyone will be okay isn't a promise I don't want you to make because nobody knows what could happen!" I take her on her hits knowing everything she's saying is the truth, "I! Can't! Lose! You! Y/N Y/L/N!" She finishes landing the last few hits on my sore chest but I'm not mad.