Beyond Saturation

I

20 March 2014

"Papa!! Papaaaaa!! Papa, Papa, Papa!!" a ten-year-old Junha whisper-yelled, panting as he skidded to a stop next to his father, who was busy preparing dinner in a hurry. 

Taehyung's eyes widened, already knowing what was making his son panic. "He's back?" he asked and received a grave nod from his son in return. Just then, they heard a car door slam shut in the distance and flinched together. 

Just the way the door slammed shut told them the night was going to be a long one. 

Taehyung grabbed his hair in panic. He wasn't done preparing the dinner yet and he knew exactly what would happen if there wasn't food on the table when his husband returned home. In his defence, his husband was half an hour early. 

"Is there something I can do?" Junha whispered, understanding his father's panic. "No, Junha, you go and sit in your room. Don't come out until I call you, okay?" Taehyung whispered and ushered Junha inside before running to the main door. 

He took a couple of deep breaths to calm his already racing heart and closed his eyes to school his expression to a neutral one before opening the door.

"You're back early," he said as a form of greeting, grimacing internally at the reek of alcohol that hit his nose right away. 

"Mmm," Jeongguk said and walked in without paying much attention to his husband other than taking his coat off and throwing it in his direction. 

Praying to all gods above, Taehyung tiptoed around the couch on which his husband now settled drunkenly, and rushed to the kitchen to fix dinner before his husband noticed the delay. 

With shaking hands, he managed to finish it a quarter of an hour later and placed it on the table. Taking another deep breath, he walked to the couch and placed a hand on his husband's shoulder, shaking it gently. "Junha Appa," he called out in a low voice. 

His voice shook, but he paid no attention to it. He didn't understand why it still shook whenever his husband got drunk even though it had been around twelve years since they got married. He was supposed to be used to this by now. He was supposed to be saturated by now. 

But somehow, it still scared him. 

He shook Jeongguk's shoulder again. "Junha Appa, you need to wake up now," he said. He'd rather leave him alone, but he knew better than to do that. He didn't want to have another war because of him not attending to Jeongguk when he came home. 

Jeongguk stirred with a groan, but what truly woke him up was Taehyung's phone which began to ring right then. Cursing his luck, Taehyung scrambled to turn the ringing off, but it was too late by then. 

"Too damn lll-lloud," Jeongguk groaned and sat up, frowning at Taehyung as he took in his surroundings. "How long've I been out?" he asked. "A-A minute. You came home j-just now, remember?" Taehyung said, hoping Jeongguk didn't actually remember when he came back home. 

To his utter luck, Jeongguk just 'hmm'ed and stood up, walking drunkenly to the dining table. "I don't want food. Just give me some water," he said. "Okay," Taehyung said and hurried to get his husband a glass of water. 

Jeongguk sat on one of the chairs at the dining table and leaned his head against his fist, loosening his tie with the other hand. "Where's Junha?" he asked. 

"He's doing his homework," Taehyung said as he placed the glass in front of Jeongguk. "H-How was your day?" he asked. 

"Hmm, not bad. The food was horrible, as usual, but the work was good," Jeongguk said. Taehyung grimaced but said nothing. Not once had Jeongguk appreciated his cooking despite everyone in the world loving it, and he was now used to it. 

"Are you going to take a shower?" he asked instead and received a frown from Jeongguk in return. "Are you trying to kick me out of here? I know when to take a shower. I'll do it on my own, I don't need you to tell me when to take a shower," Jeongguk snapped. 

"That wasn't what I-"

"SHUT UP!! YOU'VE BEEN GROWING MORE AND MORE DARING LATELY, HUH?! YOU THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE IT?! YOU THINK I DON'T NOTICE THINGS?! YOU THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE HOW LESS THE PETROL IN THE SCOOTY IS?! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN GOING?!" 

Tears began forming in Taehyung's eyes, but he didn't let them fall out. He was supposed to be used to this by now. He was supposed to be able to take all of this without his eyes ever getting moist. 

Yet, here his eyes were, betraying him like they always did. 

"I-I-I was tired y-yesterday and today, so I took the s-scooty to pick J-Junha up from th-the school, I'm s-sorry," he stuttered, taking more than a few involuntary steps back. 

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! YOU ARE OUT THERE TRYING TO DRAIN MY WALLET, AREN'T YOU?! YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THE PETROL COSTS HAVE GONE UP?! Of course, you don't. Why would a useless fool like you care about the nation's matters? How far is Junha's school from here, huh? How far is it?"

 "T-T-Two m-mile-"

"STOP FUCKING STUTTERING, YOU RETARD!! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STUTTERING UNNECESSARILY?!" 

"S-Sorry," Taehyung hung his head and whispered. 

"Get out of here, don't show me your face."

Taehyung didn't have to be told twice. Without a second thought, he ran upstairs to Junha's bedroom to check on him. He wiped the tears off his face and opened the door, closing it carefully so as to not anger his husband further. 

He found Junha huddled in a corner, crying with his arms wrapped around his knees and his head buried between them. His shoulders shook violently, squeezing Taehyung's heart in the process. 

"Oh, baby, come here," he sighed and rushed to sit in front of Junha. Without wasting a second, Junha scrambled into his arms and cried into his chest. "Wh-Why is Appa s-so bad, Papa?" he cried.

"Your Appa is not bad, baby, I told you before, didn't I? He's just in a bad mood. Don't worry about it. It will be fine in the morning. Your Appa is a nice man. Don't ever doubt that, okay?" he said despite the tears forming in his eyes. 

Junha was young enough to believe it. He was young enough to not understand the graveness of the situation yet. And Taehyung took advantage of it to stop the kid from developing hatred toward his father. It would do no one no good if the kid hated him, after all. 

"It's okay, it's okay," Taehyung held Junha's head closely protected against his chest and rocked him back and forth, whispering comforting words to him until he fell asleep, only to have him flinch and jump awake when Jeongguk yelled, "JEON TAEHYUNG!!" on top of his lungs. 

Taehyung scrambled to get Junha off his lap and ran to their bedroom, but Jeongguk was already yelling by then. "YOU DID NOT TURN THE HEATER ON!! IS THERE ANYTHING YOU DO PROPERLY?! DO YOU WANT ME TO FREEZE AND DIE IN THIS COLD WEATHER?! IS THAT IT?!" 

There he went again.

"N-No, no, Junha Appa, I'm sorry, I'm v-very sorry," Taehyung said as he ran to turn on the heater. 

This was all he was living for, after all. To get insulted no matter how hard he tried. 

And he was used to it by now.

He was saturated.