Happy Mistakes? - Phan

Chapter 20

*Dan POV*

Stupid Phil. Why didn't he just tell me what was wrong? Stupid Dan. Why couldn't he just give Phil space without being a whiny bitch about it? That's rude. Rude, but very true. Don't even lie to yourself. Fine, I was a whiny bitch. Happy? Yes. But that doesn't change the fact that Phil should trust me with anything! WOW. DAN HOWELL EVERYBODY. SHALLOWEST LITTLE SHIT AROUND. Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the head today. Yeah, you. Oh, just shut up and let me be pissed in silence. But who are you really pissed at? Phil of course! Uh huh. And why exactly are you angry at Phil? BECAUSE- because... FINE I'M NOT ANGRY AT PHIL! Then who are you really angry at. No one. DON'T YOU FUCKING LIE TO ME. WELL RIGHT NOW I'M REALLY QUITE MAD AT YOU. Good. Now, besides me, who are you really angry at? Myself... well, me me, not you m- you know what, this is confusing and slightly insane. I'm literally talking to myself IN MY HEAD. YOU KNOW WHO DOES THAT? CRAZY PEOPLE. Yes, you're crazy, are we past that now? ... Good. Now, why exactly are you angry at yourself? Well, because- Why am I even answering you/me? I don't need this rig- ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION HOWELL. OK FINE. JESUS CHRIST. I guess I'm just mad at myself because I shoved Phil away when he probably needed me most. Good. AND... I don't know, just not being a good boyfriend in general? If he doesn't even feel like he can trust me, have I really done a good job at being there for him? Good. There you go. Let it all out. Now, since I'm you I don't actually have answers- THEN WHY THE HELL AM I TALKING TO YOU? HEAR ME OUT. OK? GOOD. NOW, EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE ANSWERS, PHIL DOES. MY JOB WAS TO GET YOU TO GET OVER YOURSELF AND GO TALK TO PHIL. NOW GET THE FUCK UP AND GO. Oh. Ok. Thanks, I guess... JUST. GO.

(A/N: So uh, quick little note here, hi and all that. I just wanted to apologize for the whole 'split personality' thing, especially if it doesn't seem very 'Dan", but I do it for two reasons. One, I am a bit too lazy to find a better way to work certain things into the story. Two, I just really like writing it to be honest. It's really fun for me, whether you people like it or not, so here it is. Sorry if this bothers you, but I just felt the need to explain. If you read any of this, then back to the story)

I sighed to myself and sat up, letting the sheets fall from my bare torso. For once it hadn't been freezing cold in our flat, so I had ended up sleeping in nothing but boxers. I got up a bit too quickly, which resulted in me getting a head rush. I stumbled over to my dresser as I attempted to blink away the darkness that had appeared at the edge of my vision. After I had blindly grabbed a random outfit, I slid it on and headed out into the kitchen. On my way in I passed Phil who was sitting on the couch, staring into space. I was about to greet him, but decided against it. It was probably best to give him space for now, not to mention that I was starving and not in a very conversational mood.

After making and eating a bowl of cereal, I put my bowl on the counter near the sink and went out to sit next to Phil. He still hadn't moved, and didn't even acknowledge me when I sat down.

"Phil? Phhiiiiiillllll? Hey, Phil? PHIL!" I shouted the last one, which caused Phil to jump a little. He still didn't say anything, but he did make eye contact with me. "Well, uh, good morning then. Yeah... Umm... Hi?" I said, not really sure how to fill the silence.

"Hello," Phil said, before leaning back against the couch and staring at the wall once more.

"Right... Well, I uh, just wanted to apologize for last night. I was a bit of a dick, and... Yeah. Sorry," I stated, wondering if he even registered what I said. Apparently he did, because he immediately turned to me.