Taming Wild Roses [Chasing Liberty Series #1]

42

"I was born in a complete family, with a silver spoon in my mouth. So, people often say I am lucky and fortunate in life. Yes, I am. I can't deny that. Nakukuha ko naman ang mga gusto kong bagay. But you know what I can't get? The love of my parents. Their time and affection." nanliligid na ang aking luha habang nagsisimulang magsalita sa harap ng maraming tao.

"When I told that to some of my friends, they often responded with- 'okay lang mayaman ka naman' 'wag ka na mag inarte, buti ka pa nga nakakain ng tatlo o higit pang beses sa isang araw' 'kami nga ganito..ganyan'. I thought maarte lang talaga ako, I thought I was wishing for more, that I am not contented with my life. But, as I grew up, I realized, they just invalidate my feelings."

"Oo mayaman ako, oo kumpleto ang pamilya ko. Pero hindi ibig sabihin non na wala na akong karapatang masaktan. Na, I'll just always wish for a bare minimum from my parents. And maybe that's why I rebelled against them, para magpapansin. Para unahin naman nila ako. Pero wala pa rin, echapwera pa rin ako." tumulo na ang aking luha.

"So..that's why I try to find attention from men. They made me feel worthy in a short span of time. They made me feel that I am wanted. And yes you heard it right..I was once a..slut, a hoe. No need to simplify it because it's just what it is. I became a mistress. I am..dirty and used." natigil ako upang punasan ang nag unahang mga luha.

I was ready for them to leave, dahil baka sila rin ay mandiri sa akin. But, they stayed and listened to my story.

"And, I got pregnant. By a one night stand." I said as I remembered how broken I was before.

"I decided to abort my child. I wanted to. I really do." mas naluha ako nang maalala ang munting ngiti ni Neytiri. Sorry, baby.

"Kasi I am a mess. I am broken and I don't have the capacity to bring someone into life. Para ano pa? Para maranasan nila ang hirap sa mundo? Para magaya sila sa akin? No way." iling ko. "So, my mother and I decided to abort this child. But, things happened. And I know now, it happened for a reason."

"This painting..is me and my baby. Us against the world. Us against all odds." suminghap ako bago magpatuloy. Ang sikip sa dibdib ay hindi nawawala.

"When I first held her soft and fragile body, halos manghina ako. I am scared. I am terrified because I don't know if I can be a good mother, because I never had someone to look up to. My parents abandoned me when I decided to keep the baby. And when I came back, introducing my daughter, they just shut the doors in my face."

"Napaisp ako, paano nila nakakayang abandonahin ang sarili nilang anak? Their flesh and blood? Kasi ako, I would never do anything to harm my precious Neytiri. Makita ko lang na nasasaktan siya, parang napupunit ang puso ko. I would never hurt her, she's just too precious. She painted my whole world with so many colors. She changed me, to a better person, to a better mother." I looked up and remembered my parents.

If they don't neglect me when I was a kid, baka hindi ganito ang mindset ko ngayon. And for that, I am thankful.

I am thankful for them dahil dinala nila ako sa mundong ito. Dahil naging masaya ako kahit papano.

Today, as I face the crowd. I promised myself that I would do better. I would love myself more. I would be a great mother and partner to Neytiri and Aiden.

I'll leave the past behind, but never the lessons I learned from my darkest hour.

"Here is my baby now." I showed them a smiling picture of Neytiri. "She just turned one last December 17. She's pretty isn't she?"

The crowd applauded. I smiled.

"Thank you for listening. Thank you for appreciating my artwork - Inakup. Before I leave this stage, let me leave this message to all of you."