Tommyinnit one-shots

46

I need to get my feelings out. I don't have anyone else but you guys so I will vent to you.

(YOU CAN SKIP IT IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY USELESS DAILY RANTING)

I haven't been feeling like myself for the past few years...I went to a psychologist and he said that I need to search for a clinic Psychiatrist because of the voices I hear(I thought that hearing voices was normal tbh). I told him like 2,86% of the things I felt. He told everything my mother.

I didn't want him to but he said that she needs to know it. Later when we got back into the car, it was silent at first but then she just said: "You know that you are not the only person with feelings. Right? You can't always think only about yourself!" I was nad at that point. Like why did she say that...It hurt me and I felt more angry than sad...

I felt like screaming but I just sat there like a bag full of potatoes. I hate myself so much. My mother keeps on bothering me and keeps on asking about the voices. My classmates also made fun of me since they heard me talking to a teacher about it. They make fun of me for being too skinny and too short for my age. Everyone always asks if I eat or if my parents feed me at home...

Some think that I am faking for attention but I'm not. I have bottled up my emotions for so long and I decided to open up just now only to the people I feel comfortable with and they don't care. I don't think I can trust anyone anymore.

I want to kill myself but I don't want to die. I have trust issues. I have bad grades. My parents turned their back on me when I was four since my brother was born and 'I wasn't the only person wanting love from their parents.' It was fine at first but then they turned their back on me completely. They spoiled my brother and he got his own way whenever he wanted. He always hit me, pulled my hair, cut my hair 'cause they were too long, scratched me, smashed my head against the wall, bit me and always got away with it + when I fought back by just slightly smacking him, he made a HUGE scene and it was on me...

I don't really care now but I hate when my mother is like: "But you had the best childhood. I gave you everything you wanted you brat. I don't know why you are so ungrateful. I think I will take away all of your electronics. Now you are sure going to be more productive, and if not I will take even more." When I don't do what she tells me to or accidentally raise my voice a little she starts playing the victim. Starts crying, goes to her room, goes back and shouts at me that I don't have a reason to cry for and that if I wont stop she will give me one.

I don't know what to do anymore...