Innocence in Lust ✔

IX. GLASSY SIGHT

"Ohhh... No. Jasmine can never be shy." - Anna

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Being a research subject is not something that you wanted to be or even thought of. You had given up on the possibility of seeing everyday with the perfect hues and clarity. You had already stopped yourself from daydreaming. In fact, you have been training yourself on living with darkness. You are keeping yourself away from the aids of seeing and whole-heartedly accepting that one day, even a sliver of light would be out from your sight. You have been embracing the shadows and the faceless people but somehow his words just made you double take on things.

"Do you want it fixed?"

Who wouldn't want that? However, in order to have it fixed, you have to be studied first and that entailed to be willingly scrutinized in a laboratory. Like a lab rat with expense.

"Please, can we finish already?" You calmly ask. You are still polite even with how much you want to scream with the pain you are feeling. Your eyes are aching a lot with the blaring lights. You couldn't even close them with the clips preventing you from doing so. Your tears are pooling nonstop. You had wished that they gave you the numbing medicine during your eye surgery a year ago to alleviate even a little of your pain.

"Just a couple more minutes mam." You hear a nurse telling you as she pushes your shoulder to stay still.

You try numbing yourself instead as you remember how everything begun.

Your vision started deteriorating a couple of years ago. You noticed that sign boards which were perfectly visible were becoming unreadable. Whoever models them were unrecognizable. The reports on your desks were so zoomed out, very much tinier with each passing day. The designs were bunch of double lines and lights had halos on them.

You were so confused for all your life you had been living with very clear vision. You tried to depend in eye glasses yet your work required everyone to be flawless. They didn't want any of their employees to wear corrective eye glasses, not even contact lenses. Yes. It was ridiculous. It was a strange rule from the higher ups so you had no choice but to follow. Good thing you were able to convince them that the contacts were only for aesthetics. When you felt it got worse as days pass by, you signed up for a very expensive eye surgery, hoping that it could permanently correct your vision. Determined, you borrowed from loan sharks for it, since you need the approval of your non-existing soulmate to loan in a bank. However, it failed for it damaged your cornea instead. You even lost your vision for almost a week, been tearing up with blood, and had to be in a series of surgeries just to reverse the damage.

The doctor was so confused of the unexpected after effects only to be frustrated on your revelation. Apparently, hiding your status as unbounded was detrimental. You did not understand it's implication only to be told that deteriorating vision was a natural possibility to unbounded women. It was rare and still under study since only few unbounded had the gal to come out in the open. But it's a possibility nonetheless. Usually, doctors had to do series of tests before administering the surgery, but since you hid that fact, they mistakenly over corrected your eyes.

It devastated you that nothing you could have done would give back your vision, unless you miraculously have a soulmate and bound with him. However, you don't even have that choice anymore for whether you have soulmate or not, you had permanently damaged your eyes. It was too late.

You only have a little hope to prolong the ultimate fate of blindness. With it, you had borrowed more than you could ever pay to those loan sharks and allowed experts to experiment on you to bring back at least a fraction of your vision. When you had no more money to pay, you stopped and had resulted to pain relievers and contact lens with those alternative medicinal solutions to continue on your pretense.