Good Girlz in the Hood : The Chronicles of Ciara

Chapter 40

Chapter 40

I sat staring out of the window. I was on the bus home after leaving Kyle and the rest of them in the park. I was listening to my iPod when the song ‘Hurts the Most’ by Monica came on. I listened to the words of my song, thinking about what my next move in life was going to be.

“Baby, what hurts the most is letting go.

I just want you to know, that I love you so

…

I'll tell you what hurts the most is, I should have took the chance
Boy, when you came to me and offered me your hand
Silly of me, I thought, I'd always have your heart
I had the chance to have all the love, oh, how I'm missing you

What hurts the most is letting go.
Just to let you know, I love you so”

After arriving home, covered in blood, my mum had forced me to sit down at the kitchen table and ‘talk to her’. I broke down and told her everything; from us getting together up to what happened that day (minus the abortion; I wasn’t hoping to die). She already knew that he had cheated on me with Camilla, so she wasn’t really shocked when I told her what she had told me at the wedding.

She kept quiet while I spoke, and when I finished she took her turn.

“I just want to know one thing – did you sleep with him?” she asked. It was like she already knew the answer but she just wanted to clarify

I closed my eyes and nodded. I heard her sigh

“Well, I guess what’s done is done now. I’m just thankful he didn’t get you pregnant. You better have used something; I don't want any diseased people in my house… but seriously, why??”

“I don't know,” I said whilst shrugging. “It just happened, I suppose. It wasn’t like I planned it.”

“When did you first sleep with him, then?” I could tell my mum was resisting the urge to slap me because she had clenched her hands together

“September.” I whispered. When she realised when I was talking about it showed on her face

“SEPTEMBER?! What the hell is wrong with you, I thought I had raised a decent and proper girl. I was expecting you to say May or something. Why would you sleep with someone so soon, you disgust me.” she shouted, then she slapped me.

I left the room crying.

“Ciara, Ciara come back. I didn’t mean to hit you…” I ignored her and spent the rest of the day locked in my bedroom ignoring her and the rest of the world.

 Kyle must have called me about 50 times that night but I didn’t answer any of the calls. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him or anyone.

**

The next day, I woke up around 12. My mum had already left for work so I had the house to myself. I had a long shower then sat in my room for a while. I took off my towel and stood in front of the mirror, observing myself – I had finally lost all of the weight that I had put on over the last six months or so and it showed.

I was taken out of my dreamworld by my phone vibrating on top of my bedside drawers. I jumped on the bed and picked up the phone without looking at the screen

“Hello”

“Finally.” It was Kyle “why’ve you been ignoring my calls?” he asked; he sounded worried