Love after Loss

Chapter 8 - Jet

Hiba

I don't know why, but as I was finishing my drawing, I felt a familiar feeling. This happiness and warmth. I haven't felt it since... since before I first got married. Before when I met him, there were some feelings growing inside. That's when I panicked. That's when I went into my thoughts again.

'Hiba, what are you doing? I mean, it's nice and all that his kids like you, but really? They're kids, they'll like anyone! You can't be loved, remember what happened last time you tried to be in love?' I knew where this was going.

I didn't want these thoughts. I tried to shake them off, but it just kept going. 'Don't keep your expectations high, Hiba. As nice as he is and everything, don't forget you can't trust him yet.' Then I saw Ahmad and Arsalan come back. They were gone for a while, but not too long. And as soon as I saw those eyes, I had to lower my gaze again because I felt like... Ya Allah, help me please!

Aaliyah went to Arsalan and showed her her and my drawings. I noticed his eyes at first when they saw my design...

"Hiba auntie taught me everything she said I need to know - the b... the baicis... the saisib?" I smiled and laughed when she struggled to say the word 'basics'.

"Basics, baba, basics." He said, and I smiled under my niqab at her cuteness.

Seriously, Masha Allah how do kids have this much cuteness???

He turned to me whilst giving his daughter a hug and mouthed a 'thank you', to which I nodded, giving a sad smile that I was so glad he couldn't see because my thoughts decided to remind me again. 'Remember, Hiba, be careful.'

His kids were told they need to go, and realising I suddenly had an escape, I looked to Ahmad and said the same to him. He was at first confused, of course he was because we had time, but then he looked into my eyes and saw why.

We got up and I hugged the kids tight as if it was the last time I'd see them. "Bye bye Hiba auntie, I wish you came" she said, and when we were in a hug, she whispered, "Don't cry Hiba auntie, ammu used to say whenever you cry remember Allah and cry to Him. Also, you're very pretty, I am going to make dua that you marry my Abbu, ok?" I chuckled at this and then I let go.

She was right. Her ammu was right. How are these kids so wise? Allah has blessed their father these two who have such good hearts and intentions.

I won't see them again. My heart became heavy at this, but I kept any tears in. I thought by now my tears must have almost ran out, but clearly not. I still have more to go.

We waved goodbye to the kids as they turned left out of the restaurant corridor and we turned right. We left the guests we met... and for some reason I kept feeling it.

I'm too conflicted. I'm too messed up for him to ever like me, let alone love me. My inner thoughts are right.

I'm broken.

"Hiba?" Ahmad snapped me out of my thoughts.

"I've been calling you 5 times now..." he looked at my eyes.

They were about to break the floodgates.

He rushed me into his room, sat me down in front of the dressing table and untied my niqab.

Our rooms were separate but have an adjoining wall with a door Ahmad kept unlocked on his side so technically they were one room. But at that moment, I just wanted to let everything out.

So I did. I burst into tears and sobs.

"Bhai- why am-why am I- like- like this?" I asked between my sobs. I couldn't hold it anymore.

Ahmad couldn't bear to see me sad, he's said it before. He grabbed the box of tissues, and wiped my eyes.

"Like what Hiba? A queen? A powerful, strong woman. A woman I am proud to call my sister? Whatever happened in the past is just that - the past! Don't let anyone bring you down now." he said.

Ya Allah, how did I deserve a brother like him?

"Understood?" He asked. I nodded slightly, still trying to gather myself.

"Understood? I need you to look me in the eyes and say you do." He asked again in a more assertive voice.

I gathered the strength that was left after the tears and lifted my head.

"Understood bhai."

"Go shower and refresh yourself—" just then he was interrupted by his phone.

He looked at the screen, and it was his friend, Amjad, who also happened to be our next door neighbour. He stared at it for a bit, deciding whether or not to pick it up, until I told him to.

"Amjad, assalamu alaikum. What's up?" He said.

"What- why do I need it on speaker? -Ok...." Amjad had asked to put the phone on speaker, which only happens when he wants to talk to both of us together, and that only happens when something serious happens.

Ahmad placed the phone next to me, with the volume up.

"Salam didi, listen up, how quickly can you two get here?" We were both confused. "Why?" Ahmad asked.

"It's your father. Me and Zahira went round and... just get here as soon as possible ok!"

Immediately we both started worrying. "What's happened?", I asked, not wanting to know the answer because he's too ill, so much in fact that on the donor list for a heart.

"He's in hospital- We are with him- and didi, Ahmad, it's not looking good."

With that, Ahmad put the phone down, and I opened into my room speed packing everything, whilst Ahmad did the same.

Ahmad grabbed his keys and we raced down to the lobby, where we checked out as quick as possible. He called his assistant, Jaime (pronounced hai-may) and the jet was at the airport ready and waiting.

In the lobby whilst he was checking out, I caught a glimpse of the kids walking out the door, each taking a hand of their father and getting into a nearby yellow cab. "Hiba let's go" Ahmad said, and I snapped out of my staring.

We ran to the parking lot, where my brother had a car from the local car club - a brand new Black Audi RS7 (what? I can be a car gal too!). We threw our bags into the boot and the V8 engine roared to life.

My brother put his foot down towards the exit, and we got onto the road drifting around the corner into the correct lane, somehow not hitting any cars on the way. We swerved our way through the unusually light traffic to the private section of the airport, and after getting into the jet then impatiently waiting 15 minutes to go, we set off back to Michigan.

I remembered looking down at the city that morning, but my thoughts wandered elsewhere. I was looking at the intricacies and details if seeing the concrete jungle from the sky, with its river running through, and then seeing a ferry... and wondering if they were there... either way, they will probably never see me again.

I sat back in this lovely seat in which my brother insisted we fly by private jet instead of commercial because it's quicker. But in a situation like who we were going to see, even it being quicker wasn't able to stop me from thinking how bad it could be...

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Assalamu alaikum everyone, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

I need to put a flashback in at some point, Dw though I've been writing one (stay tuned to hear it!).

Again, Comment your thoughts and Vote please!

Inshā'allāh will update soon...
For now though please let me know what you think!
Assalamu alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu.