Love after Loss

Chapter 5 - Soft Hijab

Hiba

When they came, I moved up a bit so I was sat on the inside in the middle, then it was the daughter on my right (she really wanted to sit next to me), and then the son and the man himself on the end. I was staying silent, I didn't want anyone to see any sign of the tears I just had. Ahmad and the man started talking. In fact, they introduced themselves, so he is no longer 'the man' anymore, he is Arsalan. Arsalan Mustafa Salem. Lion. King of the Jungle. That's what his first name means. The 'Salem' part means Safe. And at least that was something I started to feel.

But we noticed that there was no wife. And the reason why shocked me.

'Inalilahi wa ina ilaihi ra'ji'un' I thought. 'Ya Allah, may you grant her ease in her grave.' I remember feeling something shaking next to me.

It wasn't me, but his daughter. I can tell it's a little hard for them, so I give her a hug, and she hugs me so tight that I might as well have no ribs left. I don't mind though. It only shows her pain to me, and for some reason I can relate to losing a figure in your life who you once loved.
"It's ok, shhh, don't worry. It's ok. I know, and it's ok." I whispered into her ear, stroking her head which with her little half-worn hijab felt so soft.

I could see Arsalan looking at me from the corner of my eye, and I looked back at him for a brief second, nodding to say 'I have her, don't worry.' When she put her head up, she gave me a smile and a sniff with a tear from her eye. Her cheeks were soft and eyes slightly swollen.

'Ya Allah, please make these children's lives easier! Please let them have that figure in their life that they are able to rest a shoulder on written in their future!' I thought.

I wiped my free hand again to make sure it was clean and wiped her tears. We let go of each other, but I still kept stroking her head. I looked back at Arsalan, and he looked at me.
I don't know why, but it felt as if we're already in a partnership here.

Like this is my daughter, and that's my son too, and that's my... ok maybe not. 'Control your thoughts Hiba. Keep an open mind. Yes, he is incredibly handsome, has two cute children, and... see? You're doing it again!' I quickly averted my eyes downwards to avoid my feelings showing through them.

As soon as I looked down I thought of what the kids must have gone through, and then I clearly must have not snapped out of it because I had another slight flashback to the day I escaped that darkness of humankind. But I remembered what my therapist said in our final session;

"Hiba, let me tell you something. You escaped right? And we have been having these sessions for over a year now. Take that man as a lesson. Not a burden of your past. Let Allah deal with it. He will get his punishment on the day of qiyamah, he will be judged, so don't worry. You have your whole life ahead, and inshā'allāh it will be a lengthy one. As much as I've loved these sessions together, I think it's time for you to spread your wings again solo. Let that queen that Allah made come out shining in all her beauty. SubhanAllah, Allah has chosen us Muslims to be guided and to help others be guided too. When we go outside, every breath of air is a gift from Allah. Alhamdulillah. That's all I can say whenever I remember to be grateful. You are an amazing, beautiful Muslimah, and inshā'allāh you will go on to do amazing things. Allahuma Barik, you have completed our sessions together with success, and you are ready. Remember that nobody can take your crown, nobody. But don't forget that it's your responsibility to respect yourself and let yourself shine."

I closed my eyes and reminded myself of that last part. 'Hiba, you are an amazing, beautiful Muslimah, and inshā'allāh you will go on to do amazing things. Remember that nobody can take your crown, nobody. But it's your responsibility to respect yourself and let yourself shine.'