Chapter 19
Rachels pov :
I hung up the phone quickly before he could say I love you to me . I held my chest closley and felt the tears coming down my face . Suddenly someone knocked on the door I wiped my tears quickly, got up and opened the door. "Hey Rachel!" Emily said excitedly. "Oh hi Emily , what are you doing here ? " I asked trying not to show my tears . She smiled, "Remember we're are supposed to go the louge for coffee. " she said . "Oh right um ... I really that well maybe tomorrow ? " I asked. "Rachel whats wrong are you okay ? " she asked me. "Yeah I'm fine just being a little hormonal . " I said. "Rachel you can tell me whats wrong I promise I won't tell. " she said . "You wouldn't understand Em . " I said. "What won't I understand? " She asked. "Nothing just drop it okay!" I yelled. "Whats wrong with you today? " she asked. "Emily I don't want to talk about this okay your to young to understand okay. " I said. "Understand what why won't you tell me?" She asked . "Because love is complicated and the guy that loves me doesn't get that the only way for me to not hurt him is to stop seeing him for good. " I admitted . "What?" She said. I sat on my bed and said, "My ex boyfriend Finn loves me he always has. He was my high school sweetheart and he loves me so much but I broke up with him when I was a senior because I had a miscarriage and I didn't want to hurt him . I stayed for a while and then a couple months ago after I found out about my cancer I went back home and he had a girlfriend, Monica who is completely wrong for him and then we had this amazing kiss and it reminded me of how much I love him , but I can't be with him . " I told her . "Why not ? " she asked . "Because I don't want him to get hurt if I die. " I said. "But isn't that worth the risk if you love him and he loves you?" She asked. "It doesn't always work like that Em. " I said. "But it does Rachel I know it does because I love Travis and he loves me even though I have cancer. " she said . "But thats not real love Emily thats puppy love. " I said . She looked at me hurt, "atleast we are together. " she said rudley. "Whats that suppose to mean?" I asked. "It means that you're scared of loving Finn , it means that you say you want to be with him but you use cancer as an excuse because you just don't want to get hurt but. " She said. "Wow I can't believe you just said that. " I said. "Well its true . " She told me. "No you wanna know the truth , the truth about love is that it doesn't exist for you and I or people that have cancer because there is no cure for it . And don't tell me that you haven't thought about Trevor leaving because he doesn't have cancer anymore that he might just pity you and not really love you . " I said. "Shut up , you're lying he does love me. " she said upset . "Well thats the truth Emily ! Love sucks and no matter much you love someone one of you are going to get hurt eventually so just face it okay !" I yelled. "You couldn't be more wrong you know , if you open your eyes for one second and stop seeing yourself as a cancer patient and an actual person you would see that when it comes to love it doesn't matter what type of desease you have because if its true love than then it won't matter . Love is a gift Rachel and you are lucky enough to have someone that loves you back . And as for me and Trevor don't you think I know that he doesn't have to be with me, don't you think that I have had doubts that he may just be with me because he pitys me ? Because I have but then everytime we kiss all those doubts go away because I know he loves me and I know he could have any girl he wants but he chose me and that's enough for me ! " she yelled and then stormed out . I opened the door and followed her , "Emily wait !" I yelled . She suddenly stopped and then before I knew it she was on the ground.
