constant • pjy + jsw ✓

7.

Jinyoung was sure he couldn't feel his heart. Maybe he wouldn't ever again considering the one who was keeping it on it's rhythm was gone forever.

There was a sharp pain in his chest and a burden of regrets on his shoulders that he couldn't muster up the strength to handle. His eyes were red and itchy from all the crying and screaming and his were all out of place, with arms of his friends wrapping around him in an effort to offer comfort, only for him to push them all away to reminisce the last traces of Jackson's touch, his scent on himself.

"Promise."

It was the last word Jackson had told him.

Why couldn't he keep his promise?

Why did he have to leave him all alone right after making him realize that they belonged together?

Why did he have to force Jackson drive his faulty car only to meet with Jaebeom out of all the people? Even in his last moments, Jackson would've left this world thinking that the one he loved never loved him back.

Jinyoung felt himself shaking as he slowly opened his eyes, realizing he was in his home. In his study. He was suddenly embraced by a sense of happiness.

I woke up! It was a dream.

But wouldn't it have been too easy for him?

Jinyoung found himself in the same dishelmed state as he was at the hospital. The memory of Yugyeom and BamBam forcibly dragging him in their car and dropping off to his own place came rushing back to him.

There was no doubt that he woke up but he woke up in a world without Jackson.

He couldn't go back either because this world had no Jackson to believe him. To believe the mad-man's story. He had lost the boy with the squirtle smile forever and he was stuck in a world without him forever too.

He is not your book. He's not even a chapter in your story. He is like a sentence that had already been stretched too long. How will you reach your happy ending if you aren't willing to read past him? Jackson's words resonated in the back of his mind.

But what if there isn't one, Seun-ah? A happy ending? He wanted to ask. If you were the ending that waiting for me past that sentence, then it isn't happy at all. 

Jinyoung was equally drowning in regret as in remorse. 

Jinyoung recalled how he  once rushed to see Jackson when he had fractured his arm trying to ride a bicycle instead of attending the release party of his own boyfriend's first ever international collaboration. He recalled how casually half of his belongings could be found lying in Jackson's wardrobe. Heck, his ex-boyfriend was a composer AND a lyricist and all he had up the boards in his study room were shabby notes from his 'bestfriend'.

If only he had realized his feelings earlier.....

Suddenly Jinyoung's mind and gaze both wandered right to the 'board' as though as an impulse of a signal sent to him.

The Jackson's notes.

His notes triggered the journey.

Frantically, standing up straight, not caring about the the things he knocked off in the process, he rushed to the other end of the room.

There on the board, his fingers traced the last and the final note Jackson had put up there.

It was a picture. A polaroid. 

"You're my forever friend :)" 

The text below the picture of a dark-haired, giggly Jackson with his arms wrapped around a smiling Jinyoung, read.

Jinyoung dashed through the study, straight into his kitchen drawers to fetch himself a lighter and a candle. 

This was his last chance. If he burned the picture, he could go back home. A place where Jackson was still around. Even though they had fought, Jinyoung knew he could resolve it. He could make it all better. All like the old times because for Jackson, even his ego was just dust.

It crushed his heart to watch their smiling faces burn in the flame. It crushed his heart to watch Jackson's picture turn into ashes while he had just lost him for good.

Feeling his eyelids growing heavier with each passing second, Jinyoung accepted his defeat to the deep slumber taking over him. He hoped the next time he wakes up, he's in a world with Jackson around....or he hopes he doesn't wake up.

***

Jinyoung felt like he was fighting a war the next time he tries to open his eyes.

He wakes up with a start, drenched in sweat, reflexively sitting straight like nothing had happened. His head was hurting. It was hurting as if someone had wrapped a tight rope around it, leaving no space for the blood to flow.

He took a minute to analyze the environment he found himself in.

He was in his study again BUT it was just as dimly lit as the night of fourteenth when it all started.

Getting up from his chair, he looked for his phone. He found it lying somewhere.

14th April 2022.

A cry of relief escaped his lips as a reflex. He began to whimper. 

He was back. He was back to his world. He was back to his time. He was back to his place but he had yet to be back to his home.

As an attempt to make up for all the wasted time and efforts, Jinyoung found himself dialing the one contact he knew by heart and had his heart.

I wish I never met you.

He sobbed as he heard bell ring. Every time ring stopped, the hope in his heart was killed only to be revived by the next ring. He wasn't even sure if Jackson would even want to hear hi name again let alone-

"Seun-ah?—"

"I'm sorry, Jinyoungie."

Fin.

A/N

Thank you so much for reading!
Please do let me know your thoughts about the story.

Should I try more of these fantasy kind of things? Angsty ones?

Well I do have an idea for an angsty one lol but I'll work on it in June as I already mentioned lol. I really hate my university. I should've chosen sociology or literature as my major lmao 😭✌️

Anyway, you've reached the end :)

The songs that helped me writing this book were mainly Vibes by Jackson Wang, Don't Wanna Cry by Seventeen and As It Was by Harry Styles !

See you guys soon.

Also, if you ever feel like talking or sharing ideas with me, feel free to DM me <3