AT WHAT COST?

I - COLD AIR

You don't get to this level without attention to detail.

My perpetual inner monologue is why I chose to arrive 30 minutes early. I knew that with the way my mind worked, I needed time to process my surroundings and work through the increasing feelings of nervousness before meeting my fate. I quickly glanced down at the small handbag I had in my right hand, making sure the leather pouch containing my entire life savings was still in my possession.

$10,000. God help me.

A trip to the bank was all it took to get the crumpled bills of mixed denominations I hid all over my bedroom changed into a neat stack of a hundred individual bills. At just shy of an inch in thickness, I was surprised at how light it felt.

Eight years of hard work.

The memory of when the bank teller first handed it over to me was punctuated by disappointment. As if tar had spilled over my psyche, I suddenly felt heavy with the feeling and took a seat on a nearby bench to gather my thoughts. It had been everything I was able to scrape together from a multitude of jobs I've done since I reached the tender age of 14.

It was the bits and pieces I was able to lie to my father about not having, the money I had earned for work I had done when I told him I was in school. It felt like each bill had its own story; a lie that I had to concoct to stop my dad from taking it from me. I had been supporting my household for as long as I can remember, an experience shared by most oldest daughters of working class families.

Chores became muscle memory before I had reached double digits. Helping to care for my at the time newborn brother was second nature. Dealing with my father's temper was intrinsic, especially on the occasions he had beat my mother to the point of unconsciousness. As soon as my father felt I was ready to work, I became a source of income as well. My lips parted to release a sigh, and as the air closest to them became visible for a second. I imagined it was discontent, from deep within my heart, curling as it made contact with the frigid air, before vanishing.

Growing up with a man as volatile as my father had made me incredibly adept at expecting the unexpected. Nothing shocked me anymore. I quickly learned to plan for all conceivable outcomes; to cast my eyes as far as I could and take stock of the lay of the land. I swallowed the small amount of saliva that had gathered in my mouth as my thoughts circled the drain, arriving over and over at the same conclusion.

All of the optimism I could muster was not enough to dissuade me that once I left the room my host currently occupied, only two of the myriad of outcomes I had dreamt up in the last few days would be my new reality. And the thing was; I wasn't scared. I wasn't exactly thrilled either, but my presence here meant my willingness had come along way since I first considered it a week ago. It quickly became clear to me that it wasn't just an option to consider, it was an ultimatum. The consequences of not accepting the offer I was almost certain I would be made was not one I could accept.

Change the things you can't accept and accept the things you can't change.

Some may think I'm leaping to conclusions like an Olympian long jumper. Although my opponent's reputation preceded him by a mile, he wasn't not known to have done anything like what I'm anticipating. He might even consider any of the counter offers I planned to bring to the table.

I was a quick study after all, there could be plenty of other ways I could offer my services. A girl with heritage from both sides of the border that spans across the Island of Hispaniola, I was fluent in both Spanish and Haitian Kreyól, making French a language I could have within my grasp in no time. Hard labour is not something I'm unfamiliar with, I would literally wash dishes to solve this issue. I was intelligent and well read. Surely he needed those qualities somewhere within his organisation? I had all of these things going for me, and yet I was convinced: he would only want one of two things from me. Both are prices I was willing to pay. What made me so sure? Experience.