Should've been me || Katara x OC

sixteen || spirits

          It's almost been a week since Zuko left. Since then, My uncle and I have continued travelling the earth kingdom aimlessly.

          I've begun losing sleep, dark circles have appeared under my eyes and I can feel the weight of overlapping tiredness on my muscles, but I will only lie wide awake for hours, staring at the ceiling as sleep avoids me.

          Iroh's been training me. He's started teaching me how to control lightning, and on top of that dusty hill I shot blue bursts of energy into the sky for hours, until my hands ached. 

          Now, we sit in an abandoned wooden hut, huddled around a fire whilst we watch the rain pour outside. 

          I begin to wonder about what I need to do next, I know that, as much as I love him, I can't stay with my uncle. If my brother doesn't want to be with me, then I need to find the avatar again. I just don't know where they are.

          'Arya,' Uncle says, looking deeply into the fire. 'I don't think it's worth it.'

          'What?' I ask, puzzled, but used to his useful lectures.

          'I don't think your brother will change his mind soon,' he says.

          I frown. It's not what I wanted to hear from him.

           'Your fate is already entwined with the avatars,' he says, a sad look on his face. 'You should return to them. Teach him firebending, help end this war.'

          I pause, taking in his words, then let out a long exhale. 'What about you?' I ask. 'You'd be alone.'

          He laughs a bit. 'Maybe I can finally open my own tea shop!'

          I laugh along with him, placing my face in my hands. Then it hits me again, and I remember if I am going to leave my Uncle soon, I need to ask him about what I heard back in the North.

          'Uncle, I need you to tell me everything you know about the deal my father made with the spirits,' I say. He looks shocked, and it stays.

          He stammers a bit, collecting his thoughts. 'Ah, you knew?' 

          I nod. 'I heard you talking to Zuko when we left the North.'

          He nods again, seeming to set things straight in his mind. 

          'From what I believe, around the time of your birth, your father was angering the spirits by his demolishment of their land and forests.' He pauses, saying his next sentence as if not to offend me. 'When he found out your mother was pregnant again, he made a deal. He vowed your life for the spirits compliance.'

          I feel my stomach drop, but I wait for him to continue.

          'He told your mother afterwards, and she almost killed herself along with you,' He says, sadly. 'It was an act of anger and sadness, she'd rather die than bear a child that would suffer.  When your father found her, he kept her in chains until you were born.'

          'She tried to kill herself?' I gape, mouth hanging open. 'If I was to be born dead, why would she want to prevent my suffering?'

          He shakes his head. 'I would not understand her actions. Your mother was a lovely woman, perhaps she had enough of what your father made her into.'

          The fire crackles, loudly enough to make me jump. It brings me back to the present, and the aim of the story too.

          'When you were born, plans were made to honor your sacrifice,' he says. 'But...'

          'I didn't die,' I answer. He nods.

          'Your father took you to the spirits instead, ready to hand you over, believing he misunderstood the nature of their deal. But they told him they had used your life in a different way. Your father never fully explained to me what he was told, but I believe you were thought to be a weapon of the spirits, to cause, or to aid, the downfall of the fire nation, to bring peace back to their lands.' 

          I sit in silent shock, I was destined to help destroy my father? 

          'Mine and the avatars fates were entwined,' I repeat his words, he nods at my understanding.

           'When your father found this out, he decided he would kill you himself, but you would not die.' He says.

          'What?' I ask, confused now. 'How?'

          'No knife would pierce your skin, his fire would not burn you, you would not drown, nor suffocate,' He states. 'We all thought you were immortal. Until years later, when you came crying to your mother with a scraped knee. Ozai tried to order your execution, but his orders gave the same result as his direct actions.'

          He takes a long drag of his tea, prolonging the silence.

          'Your father decided that abandoning you only increased the chances of your betrayal, believing if he raised you like his devoted child, maybe he could change your fate.' Iroh sighs. 'I know nearly nothing of the spirits, Arya. But as an airbender, and the avatar, I'm sure he will have some kind of connection, which is why you need to find him.'

---

          The next morning, My Uncle and I parted ways.

           I wonder through the forest for the majority of the next day, until the sun begins to set. I look for somewhere to spend the night, as I wander across a seemingly abandoned village.

          I walk down the centre of the village, finding a small house to take refuge in. I sit in the corner, with his book in my hands until I hear the door open behind me. I breath a shaky breath before saying, 'Who's there?'

          'It's me,' Zuko says, his voice seeming rougher than before. I turn around slowly to meet his eyes. He walks over and sits down next to me. 'I'm sor-'

          'Why did you leave?' I ask, then shake my head. 'No, nevermind.'

          'Arya-'

          'Zuko, I want you to join me and the avatar,' I say. 'Stop this, please, it's pointless. I'm leaving and I want you to join me. You can't-'

          He places his hand over my mouth carefully, then his other one takes my wrist. When he drops the hand covering my mouth, he says, 'You know I can't do that, Arya.'

          'Please let go,' I say, my voice sounding small. His left hand is now digging into my forearm, and his palm is becoming hotter. His face is covered in anger and confusion. I stand up in attempt to rip myself from his grasp, but he just grabs on with both hands. 'Zuko, let go.'

          He tightens his grip and I let out a small sound of agony. 'Zuko, stop! You're hurting me! Let go!'

          His hand bursts into flames as he releases me, but not soon enough to feel the burn snake itself along my skin. His hand collides with my cheek and I crumple to the ground. He's shouting but I can't hear him over the pain thrumming in my ears. He's saying I don't know anything and I don't understand, and he's right, I don't understand him. I don't understand how he could just do that to me, whilst he knows I wouldn't fight him back.

          I watch him become very still through the blurry mess of tears that lie in my eyes. It's as if he's realised what he's done, he bends down to see me, but I pull my strength together to push myself away from him, further into the corner of the dusty room. 

          I spot the hurt in his eyes when he spots the fear in mine, and suddenly we are just as broken as the rest of our family.

          So he leaves without a backward glance.