Recently, I've been contemplating a vow if silence, at least when it comes to conversations that require my opinion. This isn't a thought that occured during an emotional situation. It's long been in contemplation. My opinions cause problems. Id rather avoid such a thing, especially if the result is always the same. It seems to me, silence is the best solution in the end.
Most times there is just this. This feeling, that I know isn't just a a feeling, but rather a fact. I don't like it, of course. It's like, everytime I open my mouth I get reason to never open it again. That no matter what I say, no one will ever want to hear it, much less consider what i say.
It gets tiring. Trying to contribute to a conversation when your existence in a room is barely acknowledged. Feeling like you have to scream until you're hoarse, just so they can hear you. Having my view and opinion shit down like they're all stupid makes me doubt my own intelligence, insecure. I do not wish to be constantly afraid to speak because I don't want to be ridiculed again and again. The bestsolution I've come up with so far is to just stay silent.
I know for a fact that my voice wouldn't be missed. Somehow I prefer it to not be missed when it's silence over screaming out loud and facing indifference. The truth is, it most likely doesn't matter what I do or don't do, say or don't say. It's gonna stay the same way. Sad thing is that society says all views and differences are accepted, but I know first hand how much of a lie that is. I just want to be able to be myself, without fair. No tears, or self-hatred. Just free.
~Jedi❤
16/10/2020
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Hi,
I hope everyone is having a productive day/night. I don't really have a proper update or anything to say about this particular entry so I'm just gonna leave it dry like this.
See you next entry!
~Jedi❤❤
YOU ARE READING
The Sporadic Journal of a Quiet Teen
Non-FictionThis is exactly as the title says. I wanted to use my experiences as a way of helping myself and other people. In the times where I felt alone, it was always nice to read or hear or someone sharing their similar experiences and how they moved throu...
