My Undercover Roommate

22. Out Loud

Kayla

The second Jacob started his car to come back home from Max's place, I was out. Initially all the excitement and thrill from meeting Lenny and James was enough to distract me from the building pain in my stomach. But after getting out of there, I could feel the discomfort and exhaustion or maybe it was the knowledge that I could let my guard down in front of Jacob. I know in my bones that Jacob will never judge me or make fun of me, if I let myself be vulnerable around him. I know that he will protect me, he will understand me, he will take care of me, if I am not capable of doing it myself.

It's not like my friends would not understand me but I don't know why, Jacob is on a different pedestal altogether. Though it has been hardly few months we have known each other but he has my unconditional trust and faith.

After passing out in the car, I woke up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and a note by Jacob placed on the coffee table, saying he will be back soon.

After checking Jacob hadn't returned, I went to the washroom which confirmed I was indeed on my monthly cycle, which sucks by the way. After taking care of myself I return to the couch to wait for Jacob. It was not so late and I was craving something sweet but hated to eat without him.

As the minutes passed by the pain was becoming unbearable and I knew I couldn't wait any longer for Jacob and had to get up to go to my room to rest but couldn't muster a single ounce of strength to do so. I was so lost in the cramp pains to notice the apartment door open when Jacob came back. Therefore when Jacob was crouching down to place his hand on my forehead, it startled me.

"Rosa what happened? Are you alright?" Jacob's voice was full of worry and if I am not wrong, a little panicked too. I hate to see him worrying for no reason. It's not his fault that girls have to suffer this alone every month. So I try to assure him to lessen his worry. "Don't worry, I'm fine."

But the way I sound, even I wouldn't believe myself, let alone Jacob. But in this situation, he has no choice but to leave me alone and fend for myself, at least for the next twenty hours or so. Then Jacob's eyes softened with understanding and said the most beautiful thing in the world.

"Don't worry little kitten, I will take care of you."

No you can't, I wanted to say but before I could open my mouth, he was gone.

By this time I could barely keep my eyes open but the pain was too intense to let me fall asleep. For the next few minutes I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing just like mom always suggested.

Suddenly I was startled by a pair of hands under me. "What are you doing, Jacob?" Please leave me alone." I mumble in his chest. Why doesn't he understand a simple request to just let me be?

Somehow he always manages to plant himself smack dab in the middle of everything related to my daily life, however mundane it is. Not that I am complaining, I enjoy his company but it's just confusing. Why is he doing all this? Also everytime he comes near me, my heart skyrockets and refuses to listen to me.

Sometimes I wonder if he does this intentionally because he knows the effect he has on me. My stomach clenches at the thought, what if he could hear my heartbeat. The longer I was thinking about this, the hotter I was feeling. I need to control my thoughts, he is my roommate for god's sake. I can't afford to tangle my emotions with him, what if it doesn't work out. It would be impossible to continue to live under one roof and also he is dad's friend's son. He is off limits.

"Rosa, do I need to call a doctor? You suddenly become hot."

"I was born hot." I deadpan. Duh.

"I noticed but I am talking about your body temperature. Is it normal during your cycle or should I be worried?" He asks, chuckling.

"Did you just admit that I am hot?" I understood what he meant the first time but I am not stupid enough to admit that I became hot because I was thinking about him. That would be suicide. Also it's fun to pull his leg, why should I suffer alone all the time.

"You know your ego is bigger than mine?" He scoffs playfully. It was nice to see him relax again after our evening with friends.

I know he liked James and Lenny and maybe enjoyed a little bit too but sometimes he was holding himself back. He was always on edge and in control of himself. But I didn't give it much thought, he met them for the first time, it's only natural, maybe he takes some time getting used to new people. But then I remember his behavior when he met me for the first time. He didn't hold back at all.

Then who is the real Jacob? I am sure time will tell, until then I have to draw the line, no matter how much he wants to plant himself in my life or how much I want him by my side. Nothing can happen until he introduces me to the real Jacob.

"Nah, I just advocate for the truth. By the way you can just dump me on my bed and be on your merry way, no need to call a doctor. I am used to this." I offhandedly replied to his previous question and prayed that he would leave me alone because with all the hormones running wild in my body, it's impossible to control my haywire emotions with his close proximity.

Also it's embarrassing that a guy knows you are on your cycle.

"Shut up and relax." Jacob commands with no room for further discussion and gently places me on my bed. "You will do exactly as I say."

After making sure I was comfortable enough, he handed me an electric heating pad and a cup of hot chamomile tea with honey. Then silently he placed two chocolate bars on my bedside table. Bless him. He knows me too well.

"You are not not going anywhere, just tell me whatever you need. I am right here, my little kitten." Jacob mutters softly sitting by my side.

"Thank you so much, Jake. I don't know how you know about all of this but I am glad nonetheless. You truly are my guardian angel but why are you doing all this?" I didn't realize that a lone tear had escaped my eyes until Jacob wiped it away with his thumb. Why the hell was I so emotional tonight?

"Do I really need to say it in words?" He whispers huskily, lowering his head near mine. Our faces were inches apart. I could feel his hot breath on my lips. If only I could take a leap and cut this distance short but the secrets between us held me back.

I could see the same dilemma in his eyes as well. This was frustrating. What is so important to him, that he has to keep all these secrets to himself. He knows that until there is a wall between us, I can only give him my friendship and nothing else.

We have never talked about ourselves in so many words but we have a kind of relationship where no words are required. The eyes do all the talking and I am sure it's not just me who feels these myriad of conflicting emotions.

I don't reply to his question but ask him instead. "Will you hold me tonight?"

Instantly his body relaxes, the second I ask him and in reply he simply places a lingering kiss on my forehead.

"Whatever you need, Rosa."

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