In the moment

Can you remember

It had been a long 5 days in hospital, being prodded and poke and medicated to the eyeballs, soph was ready to come home. Her bruising and swelling had gone down significantly and the dr was happy with her recovery. Jack had tried to help her pump her breast milk in hospital to keep her supply up but with all the shock and medication it had dropped massively and she was barely getting a full feed out of both breasts. 'Maybe it's just a sign I should stop now' she winced through the pain of the hospital breast pump 'it fucking hurts'
Jack looked at her totally incapable of being able to help her 'you just need to do what's best for you Soph, it's been nearly 7 months you've done amazing getting this far' he knew for the last month she's been thinking about weaning mae on to a bottle, 'if it's hurting maybe it's just to much right now, your body's trying to recover from a huge head trauma yknow' he was blunt about it, she did need to give her body time to recover, but she also felt like a huge failure not being about to feed mae exclusively for the full year. She felt like her body had just given up, it was useless at doing what it was made to do. He looked at her, the emotion on her face on the brink of crying 'you're not a failure Soph' sometimes she wondered if he could read her mind.
'I feels like it. My tits are useless' she looks down at the breast pump still attached to her.
Jack switches it off at the wall. 'They're not useless' he had that look in his eyes again as he detatched her from the pump 'can she have this milk or do we need to bin it?' He asks holding both the bottles up.
She lets out a huge sigh 'we need to bin it again, I don't feel comfortable giving her it with all this medication going through me, just don't know what's passed into my milk' she wipes her breast with a wet wipes and pulls her T-shirt down.
Jack returns from the attached bathroom 'see your putting yourself through all this and she can't even drink it' he raises his eyebrows trying to reason with her
'I guess maybe it's time then' she felt gutted but in reality she knew it was the right thing. It took up so much of her work hours and free time, and mae was on solids now and eating well so she definitely isn't missing out on any nutrients.
Jack sits on the side of her bed and cups her breasts 'if it wasn't for these bad boys, I'd have never got you back in my apartment would I' he shots her a wink.
'Behave yourself grealish we're in a fucking hospital' she giggles, now holding her hands over his as he lightly squeezes them. He knew how sensitive her nipples where right after pumping he does it on purpose.
He leans down and kisses her 'I'll behave promise' he whispers against her lips.
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Back home ada and jack had set up Sophs bedroom so she had everything she needs to rest. Jack had bought her a new tv, he couldn't fathom why she never had one in there in the first place but he was happy with the new addition. They'd put on fresh sheets and laid out her dressing gown and slippers.
Jack laid out a galaxy chocolate like he did when the ran her a bath. Simple little things that will make her happy to be home.
Later that afternoon Soph was finally discharged, she'd been prescribed a hefty amount of pain relief for the next two weeks which they picked up from the hotel pharmacy on the way out. Jack enjoyed wheeling Soph around in the hospital in the wheelchair, but she was surprised they actually let him leave the ward with her in it, he hit every door and wall trying to exit.
She was thankful to be home and shower in her own bathroom accompanied by jack of course. They snuggled up in her bed and flicked through Netflix trying to agree on a new series to watch. Ada brought mae in to see Soph, and they snuggled for a while before she took her for her night time routine.
Jack was aimlessly flicking through series now not even paying attention to the screen, he lowers the remote and turns to Soph. 'Soph, you know the night you fell?' He head tilted to the side but his face is full of worry
'I remember some of it, abit hazy and dark in places' she scrunches her nose up and then relaxes it.
He takes her hand as he shuffles on to his side 'you were shouting 'who is she' at me, can you remember?'
Of course she remembers how could she not remember the way another girls hands where all over him, his arm around her, his long fingers wrapped around her waist. She felt sick again, her blood boiling. 'I saw a picture' she confesses
He frowned instantly in disappointment he knew where this was going, he's had this talk a million times with his ex  'a picture?' He replied half sarcastically and half pissed off. He was only at the nightclub for her, he didn't even have a drink.
'You just hardly messaged after the game, things felt off. Then I saw a picture of you at that new nightclub with another girl and I dunno, I just sort of assumed' she felt embarrassed when she said it out loud
He rolled on to his back and sighed 'is that what you think of me?' He stared at the ceiling. He knew why things felt off, he didn't speak to her like normal because he didn't want to lie about what he was doing. He wanted to sort the birthday party without her having any idea. Now he just feels like telling her the truth but he's pissed off.
'Jack no, I don't, but I don't know what it was. It just didn't feel right. I was waiting for you to come home, I saw that picture then you didn't get back till like 4-5am, if I did that what would you think?' She was flustered, she could feel the sweat dripping from her in complete bunny boiler shame.
He still couldn't look at her he was so cross 'you know Soph, some times no matter where you are, fans want pictures. You get me?' He looked back at her. She was still so bruised and fragile, he couldn't even be mad at her right now if he wanted to.
Soph cups his face in her hands 'I'm so sorry babe, I didn't ..' she cuts her self off as she lays back down, the room spinning from sitting up. '.. I didn't mean to upset you, if you have just told me you were going out, I'd have gone to bed, I wouldn't have worried all night were you were' she closes her eyes and bites her lips together trying to keep her nausea at bay.
'Are you okay Soph? You've gone really pale!' He watches her closely, grabbing sick bucket ready.
Before she could even reply she had her head in the bucket, Jack holding her hair back trying to avoid her stitches.
'Let just forget it okay, I'd rather focus on getting you back to full health.' He hands her a glass of water 'small sips' he demands.
He comes back from the bathroom with a fresh sick bucket 'do you think we need to talk to the dr about these pain killers? They're making you so sick, it's not right' he questions her
'Tomorrow, I'm just so tired now.' She nestles back down in the bed, Jack watching her fall asleep instantly.