MS. PERFECTIONIST

CHAPTER: 36

"Loving you is the greatest pleasure in my life, and missing you is the most terrible pain I have ever had to endure."

LAUREN POV

My nights have been cold and lonely since she have left. My days have been unexciting.

What's the point of embracing that morning when I wake up, and you are not in my arms?

I miss the time na pagmulat ko palang ng mata sa umaga yung magandang muka na nya agad ang aking makikita.

I wish I could wrap my arms around her and hug her tightly, so she can feel the loud thumps of my lonely heart. I miss you so much Gio.

I want to experience that again, her smile, her hugs, her kisses, her scents, specially her. I will never forget the amazing memories I had with her.

I don't know how many times I told you this but I am a complete mess without her I am incomplete without her.

Actually, I am not afraid of my worst fears anymore. They are nothing compared to the sorrow of being away from her and the pain I experience when we are apart.

I hide my tears when I say her name, but the pain in my heart is still the same. Although I smile and seem carefree, who misses you more than me?

How can I manage to live without that person who used to add numerous colours to my life? She's the essential basis of my life.

I wish this is just a temporary feeling because I'm still hoping that one day she will come back to me.

I'm here at my house cause I'm not in the mood na pumasok sa office ngayong araw. Kaya si Joaquin muna ang nag take over para sakin.

I need to take a rest pero imbis na mamahinga ay ayaw naman mamahinga nitong utak ko sa kakaisip kay gio.

Kaya ito ako ngayon nagtatrabaho padin sa bahay para makalimutan sya kahit saglit.
I keep myself busy with the things I do, but I still think of her every time I pause.

So tell me what should I do?!

Pero napahinto nalang ako ng makita ang isang pamilyar na notebook na lalong nagpaalala sa akin sa babaeng mahal ko.

I remember na dito nya sinulat lahat ng gusto nyang gawin na kasama ko.

Ni hindi manlang nga namin nangalahati itong bucket list na sinulat nya, at eto na agad ang nangyari.

I didn't even get a chance na gawin yung mga bagay na gusto kong gawin kasama sya.

I also wrote a bucket list in this notebook, actually dinagdagan ko yung bucket list nya, and she didn't had a chance na makita nya yung bucket list na ginawa ko because I want to surprise her.

Naalala kopanga nung nagmamaktol sya sakin na ipakita ko daw sakanya yung sinulat ko sa bucket list, at sobrang excited nya!

Ako din naman eh hindi na ako makapagintay noon na gawin yung mga sinulat ko. I already imagined her sa mga bucket list ko na sya lang ang kasama.

But now, how can I suppose to do all of this kung yung babaeng kasama kong nagsulat dito ay nasaktan ko at ngayon hindi ko na alam kung nasaan sya.

Minsan iniisip ko nalang na sumuko nalang, dahil kung babalik man sya at magkita kami balang araw..... Baka itanong ko lang sa sarili ko na deserve koba talaga yung babaeng to? Because of what I did to her in the past, hindi ko deserve yung love na ibinigay nya sakin.

I failed on our relationship, and I failed to keep the promises that I made with her and aling Amelia.

Nagi-guilty ako dahil nag promise ako kay aling Amelia nakapag nalaman na ni gio ang lahat at kahit ano pang mangyari ay hindi ko pababayaan si gio at hinding hindi ako aalis sa tabi nya.