Will of Fate

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“One promise is made to myself at that night. That I will never be a reason to weaken his heart. ”

***

I flashed a smile when I felt the soft wave of the sea on my feet. The water is a bit cold since it's already 5 o'clock in the afternoon, and the setting sun once again nailed its bewitching beauty illuminating the sea and the shore where I am walking.

Ngayon ko lang muling naramdaman ang nakakalunod na kapayapaang hatid ng dagat na sinabayan ng paglubog ng araw. I think it's been a year since I last had this moment.

Ilang segundo lang ang lumipas ay umalingawngaw sa dalampasigan ang sirena ng isang barko. Hudyat na papalapit na ito sa may pier. I took an eye of it from afar. It feels like the old times.

When I felt the waves' vibration on my feet due to the fast approaching ship, I decided to leave the shore. I walked upwards the lighthouse and sat in one of its stairs to brush off the sand on my feet. It took me a minute doing so before I felt comfortable in wearing my shoes back.

Since it's Saturday, dagsa ang mga tao sa pantalan. Most of them are families having the best of their weekend. Others were couples, while some are friends hanging out together.

I heaved a sigh before getting up. Saglit kong sinulyapan ang cellphone ko at hindi na ako nagtaka pa nang may 5 missed calls dito dahil buong hapon ay naka-silent ito. The 4 are from Jaxen, while the other one is from Micco. I hoped it's from mama tho.

Sa halip na tawagan sila pabalik at tanungin kung ano ang pakay ay pinatay ko na lang ang cellphone ko. I slid it back to my crochet bag and put on a cheerful ambiance on my overall appearance while heading towards a cotton candy vendor.

I suddenly crave for a cotton candy. Pakiramdam ko ay mas lalong gagaan ang pakiramdam ko if I'll be able to eat some of it. Nakakahalina ang kulay rosas at asul nitong kulay. Parang kulay lang ng kalangitan ngayon.

I bought the one with the color blue and decided to eat it while admiring the sea.

Papalapit na nang papalapit ang barko. At sa bawat galaw nito ay lumilikha ito nang katamtamang lakas ng alon.

Nakakahanga kung pagmasdan. I wonder if, how did this ship or how do ships and other marine transport vehicles overcome the waves in the vastness of the ocean.

Parang buhay lag ng tao. Lahat tayo ay naglalakbay sa parehong dagat ngunit iba-ibang barko. O kung mas mabuting sabihin ay bangka.

May ilang bangka na gawa sa matitibay na materyales kaya't hindi madaling matumba o matangay ng malakas na alon at hangin. Habang ang ibang bangka naman, ay gawa lang sa pawang pinagkumpu-kumponing materyales. And my boat? It is wroughted from shattered pieces. Kaya nga minsan ay hindi ko mapigilang tanungin ang sarili ko. Paano kayang nagawa kong makarating sa edad na ito? How come I were able to survive this far?

Questions that I can't even answer. Because if I'll say that it's because I chose to live, I would be the greatest hypocrite ever existed. Kailanman ay hindi ko ginustong mabuhay pa. Sa yugtong ito lang siguro. Nang may dumating at nagbigay inspirasyon sa 'kin.

After I finished eating my cotton candy, I left the bewitching scene with a smile and went back to our boarding house.

Nang makarating ako sa boarding house ay naabutan ko si Jaxen na halos mangiyak-ngiyak sa pagsolve ng assignments nila. Engineering nga naman.

"Bitch, kumain ka na ba? Nagluto ako ng itlog, "tagal mong umuwi. San ka ba nagpupupunta-punta at wala kang pasabi? Hindi mo man lang ako sinama. 'di ka pa sumasagot sa mga tawag ko," wika n'ya saka sinara ang librong binabasa. Mukhang napagdesisyunan n'ya nang huwag na naman munang sagutan ang assignment nila.