Esztar Is Falling

C H A P T E R 74

"I.. That night.. I came up to you to apologize." His voice was barely above a whisper. "I heard you talk to someone over the phone. It was Harrison." Saying his name hurt him almost physically. His face twisted like there was some tangible pain coursing through his body.

His eyes flew to my necklace. The one which I wore everyday now but not just because it was Harri's gift.

"It's funny that I came to apologize and committed yet another mistake instead."

"What?"

"I sat down near your door, eavesdropping on your conversation. I knew it was wrong. I wanted to go away. But I couldn't."

He did what!

"You threw up looking at your own body." He quivered, close to breaking into a sob. "I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't face you. So I decided to run away to Paris the very next morning. You were right. I was running away from you."

Now it was me who didn't know how to react to his confession.

"That's where I knew I lost you. You could say that to him but not to me."

"Because we had a pathetic fight, Rafael!"

"That's not the point." He looked away.

"Then what is it?" I yelled. "Just tell me Rafael. Why exactly are you marrying Camila. Do you really not love me anymore?"

I dreaded the answer. Because at this point, I wasn't very sure he did.

"I don't want to love you, Vittoria." He stated. "As harsh as it sounds, the only thing I got out of loving you was pain. And I'm not capable of bearing any more pain."

Harsh, he said? His words were downright torturous.

After all that we've been through, this was how he saw our love? As a mere weapon I used to hurt him.

"No, Vittoria. You don't get to cry and be the victim here." His eyes followed me as I flumped down the rock, not strong enough to stand. "It was all about you. How I hurt you, how you forgave me, just you. But what about me?"

"What are you saying, Rafael?" I whispered, disbelieved.

"You always had people supporting you when I caused you pain but what about me, Vittoria? I kept loving you. You kept pushing me away. I still kept loving you. You think it didn't hurt me when you always chose others over me?" Sometimes it was the whole world, while sometimes it was Oliver, Camila, Mason and what not. But it was never me."

"It wasn't like that Rafael, please-"

"It fucking was. I chose to hurt Camila and fall in Oliver's eyes just for you and you chose to hurt me just to get rid of your guilty conscience. You, for some reason felt it was wrong to love your sister's fiance and then something happened, she suddenly became the evil one and then you wanted me back like I'm someone you can toy around. Like I don't have feelings."

"No no no, listen to me Rafael please." I cried bitterly, gripping his hands tight. "I know I've made mistakes. I own up to them. All of them. I need just one last chance, Rafael. Please."

"Haven't I given you enough?" He pulled his hands away.

I flinched at the harshness of his action.

"I'll be honest with you, Vittoria. I gave up on us the very day you said you liked some other guy. Here I was trying to figure how to deal with our situation and you were busy going out on a date with Harrison."

"Seriously?" My body shook with rage. I was wrong. Admitted. But he hasn't been entirely right either. "At least I didn't fuck some other person."

"You kissed Harrison, forgot that part?"

"So that's how you're going to justify having sex with Camila in Paris?"

"This isn't getting anywhere, Vittoria." He stood up.

"No wait." I blocked his path. "You're running away again."

"Fine! You want to hear it?" He shoved me back, making me stagger behind. "I've lost faith in our love. I don't trust you when you say you won't leave me. When I think of us, all I can feel is the fear of you leaving me again because of some reason or the other like you do everytime and no, I can't bring myself to believe you when you say you won't."

"You can't be serious right now." The anger turned to a petrifying dread.

"I am." He replied bluntly. "It still hurts, alright. I admit it hurts to tear myself away from you forever but I choose to feel this immense pain one time rather than feeling it over and over again."

"No! Please believe me Rafael. I love you." I cupped his cheeks, refusing to let go even after his protests.

If I let him go now, I knew I'd lose him forever. The fear bestowed me with a supernatural strength. He tried pushing me apart but I held on to him like he was necessary for me to breathe.

"Don't make this more difficult, Vittoria." He almost pleaded, his breath fanning my face as he spoke.

"Please forgive me Rafael. I'm ready to face any punishment but not this. Don't kill us both like this. We'll never recover from this pain."

"I thought that too." He placed his hands over mine which had held him tight. "But then I thought about how you got over me and hell, even over Mason's death at some point of time."

All the remaining strength drained from my body. My heart stopped. My hands dropped. My will to fight vanished.

He cast me one final look and walked away wordlessly, not bothering to spare me a single glance.

I kept staring in his direction until what felt like ages. He was gone, leaving a trail of sheer nothingness. My tears dried up and the darkness of the night replaced the shimmering golden light dispelled by the setting sun.

Mustering all my courage, I turned back and stumbled to the cliff. It was a dead end. One more step and there would be nothing left.

There was nothing left already. I was empty and hollow, the space begging to be filled with the will to take that one step forward.

But I knew I wouldn't do that. I had a grand wedding to attend. The thought made me chuckle darkly and before I knew it, I was consumed by my own hysterical laughter.

I laughed until I cried.

Then I looked up at the starless night sky. And then I screamed.

Vittoria: Vote and comment if you want Rafael to come back to me.