The possessive alpha

Twentyeight

It's been three weeks since I lost my baby. Not like it was a baby, yet. It was hardly even big enough to count as one.

I sat on the bed and stared out the window. This was all I knew how to do. I couldn't cope with the fact I couldn't have what I've always wanted. It's the only thing in life I've wanted more than Ryan.

I had had nightmare after nightmare. Questions asking the moon goddess why she made this happen to me? Why did she choose me out of all people to be mates with someone with so much power. Why did she make me so weak?

Most of all, I wanted to know if Ryan still wanted me. He wanted kids. He's an alpha for Christ sakes. Who would be strong enough to take over the pack when he's gone? Doubts of him leaving filled my mind, making me want to scream out in agony.

"Taylor, please eat something." Ryan pleaded. His arms circled around my body holding me I'm his warmth. I turned my head to know his presence, and notice how sad he looked right now.

Was he blaming himself for this? Was he afraid of losing me? Why was he even bothering with me. I couldn't be what he wanted me to be.

I hadn't even spoken since I woke up the day after he told me. Not a single word. I would even nod my head yes or no to their questions. Only leaving them in complete and utter silence. Just like I needed it to be. Because if I said something I would regret it. So I held everything in. I'm too depressed to talk.

I won't even eat. I know I've lost pounds since then and it's starting to show. I know that if I keep it up I'll be dead and to be honest it doesn't sound to bad right now. But I know Ryan needed me, but this wasn't really helping.

His face was beat up. Under his eyes were almost purple, and the way his lids hooded his beautiful orbs made it obvious he hadn't been sleeping well. I looked down at my hand and my eye caught the ring.

I sunk backwards as Ryan balled his fist and hit the wall next to the bed. A semi large hole formed in it place. I was taken back by his actions. He was blaming himself.

"Taylor! Please! Say something, anything! I am fucking in love with you and losing this baby will not change that! I don't care if we can't have a kid, all I want is you! Why can't you just understand that and quit thinking the things you are? Nothing can change my feelings for you, damn it! If you want a baby we can try again, but just say something! I need to hear you, I need to know your okay." Ryan's voice softened at the end. He reached across the bed until his thumb brushed my cheek.

I closed my eyes at his touch, and replayed his speech inside of my head. Had I let him hear my thoughts this entire time? I wasn't too sure.

He sat next to me and pulled me into his lap. Holding me like a crying toddler with my arms around his neck. "I love you, Taylor. Please don't give up on me, on us." He swallowed. I continued to stay still in the spot I was in holding onto every word that came out of his mouth.

"I love you." I whispered back, breaking down to sobs as Ryan rocked me back and forth in his arms.

It took me awhile to realize that Ryan was crying. His breathing was hard and his grip on my was unbreakable. I wondered what he had been doing the past three weeks.

I thought back at the previous minutes we had been talking. It was like desavüe, with myself and Lucas. All Ryan wanted me to do was say something. Just like I wanted Lucas to. Could I bring myself to it?

I lifted my head so our eyes connected. Both of us had equally red around them, and tears were staining our cheeks. No one in the pack knows what's wrong, other than Lucas, Ryan and the doctor. But they've kept quiet.

My fingers lifted and ran across a tear on his face. Then slowly, like something might scare him away, I pushed my lips onto his. Letting him know I wasn't going anywhere. Unless he made me.

I pulled away after the sweet kiss, and pressed my head against his cheek. "Promise me something." Ryan breathed. I nodded my head.

"That you'll still marry me-" Ryan sighed. "No matter what Taylor I want you. I'm yours. Nothing can change that." He pulled me as close as he could.

"Okay." I breathed. My eyes got lost somewhere outside watching the birds. But my mind was still replaying the promise he had made me make.