Love after Loss

Prologue

Arsalan

I can remember it almost perfectly.

The sounds, the smells.

"La ilaha ilallah" were Aizah's last words.

"Mr Salem. I'm sorry." That was how the doctor informed me officially, but I could see it anyways.

The doctor had shook his head and put his hand on my shoulder, amid the chaos of once slowly beeping machines then changing to a lifeless drone.

As I heard echoing the doctor calling the time of death and ordering the machines to be switched off, my kids had their faces pressed to mine and were crying their eyes out. "No Amma, please! Don't go! We need you!"

I felt tears slowly dripping down my face. I couldn't even look at the doctor. My head was fixed in shock, and so many thoughts were racing through my head.

'No. No. This is just a bad dream, this can't be happening. No, please, my love, I need you! Why should I have to think of keeping that promise now? Who's going to brush our daughter's hair and braid it the way you do? Who's going to help comfort our boy when he loses a school match the way you do? Who's going bring the joy to the girls nights with my family now? I need you my love.'

But no.

She was gone.

'We saw this coming, yet why was I like this? I shouldn't, no, I can't. I have to stay strong for the kids.'

I let the kids go to hold their mother's hand one last time. This last time was longer. They both buried their tears into her deathbed. I was slumped onto the chair next to her.

I had already rung her parents because they were already on their way before, but this time they were too late. As I picked up the phone off table to call them again, they had just walked in.

Ammi had immediately ran to her now lifeless yet smiling daughter.

"No, no! Not now! Ya Allah please! Don't leave us Aizah!" She was crying her eyes out into the bed like the children. Probably even more. I couldn't watch them much because I couldn't take the sounds of pain in their voices.

My father-in-law had his hands on her arms and gently pulled her away after a couple of minutes. I had moved the chair around to Ammi at that point so she could sit, and Abba had his arm around me by then.

I still remember him saying to me, "Don't worry my child. We'll all get through this together."

I remember life was almost too hard without her at first.

Every little thing reminded me of her; her slippers that I used to place next to her side of the bed; her fragrance still lingering in our room; her smile in memories around the house; the list goes on.

I remember the little things that our families did; my own parents and Aizah's would both visit for a few nights every week. It was a nice time to get together.

Slowly I got used to taking care of everything without her. It took a lot of time and support, but alhamdulillah I got there. The kids were growing up fast too - I swear they gained at least 5 inches in height within the first 12 months! They were growing well and healthily, which was a blessing.

But as they grew, I was starting to not be able to keep up with them.

It must have been about three years after she died when I decided to call mine and Aizah's parents for that family. We'd mentioned the conversation topic before, so the idea was brewing in my head. And alhamdulillah, mentally, physically and even financially I was in a better position than I used to be. Back then, I had just started my career. Now, Masha Allah I had managed to climb through the ranks, and I was up for promotion to head exterior designer. And about a year after she passed away, we moved into a bigger house so the kids have more space.