"Lie to me then. Just for one night. And one night only" echoed in the back of my thoughts. I wondered how today will go. If his eyes are still lifeless as they were. If the forests fell.
He had practically ignored me all day. Through classes he kept his eyes on the work. When usually we'd be laughing for no reason across the room for each other.
We're in French class one of the most boring but easiest class so far. Me, Vivian and Matteo were all practically half asleep.
Me and Matteo shared a few annoyed glances about this class that led to laughing.
I held up a sheet of paper that I scribbled on.
"Rock paper scissors Moretti?"
"Game on ace." Matteo wrote in a peice of paper looking back at me determined than ever.
I set down our notebooks turning fully to each other putting out both of our hands.
3 rounds turned into 6 and we both couldn't stop laughing. Pure bliss.
I shake my head out of the wave of memories and stuffed the oven with focaccias. It's almost 6 "oh shoot" I mutter out loud taking off my oven mits, untying my apron.
To my surprise coming out of the kitchen I see Vivian, teodore, and... Matteo. He didn't even look my direction. Not even the slightest glance.
I suppose I deserve it.
I give a small smile sitting down next to vivian. He sat there keeping his eyes level with his palms in his lap. I study his features.
His bones popped out more. He really did look lifeless.
"Hello matteo" I manage to slip a few words into the dead silence.
"Good afternoon Aria." He kept his focus on his palms. Is this really what it's gonna be like?
Vivian catches on the awkwardness and starts a argument with teodore to grab the attention.
But for me I didn't hear a single word. It was silent for me. I could hear his words in the back of my mind. I could hear the rain overlapping my thoughts.
I gave him what he asked for right?
I knew I was staring. But I didn't dare. I wanted him back. He was my bestfriend. I want my bestfriend back.
The piano was so loud I started to not hear my own thoughts. Everything was overruling the other. Maybe you do love him.
You did the right thing.
You wouldn't have gone to the garden if you didn't love him.
Love? Ridiculous.
Don't wait Aria.
Your. Not. Ready.
Every thought over lapped another bringing more force than the last. My mind was scrambling all over these floors.
"Aria?" I shot my head up to vivian placing a hand in my shoulder.
"Hmh?" I hum in confusing wondering what I had missed through my thoughts. Each note pressed on the keys got softer with the decrescendo. Feeling every note like I was back in that moment with him. Maybe I really did love him.
"I asked if the foccias were ready." I blink vividly shaking my head out of my trance unclasping my hands and standing up from the table.
"Oh yea I'll go get them" I give a warm smile.
"No need to get me one, I'm going." Matteo stands up keeping his eyes to the ground avoiding any and all eye contact.
"I'll be back" I whisper following Matteo out the door.
I reach outside the door, the notes start singing on to my steps, to Matteo already about to walk across the street. "Is this really how it's going to be like now Matteo?" I scoff as he slowly turns around to see me.
His eyes are still on that dang ground. "Whatever do you mean?" Matteo chuckles sarcastically smirking.
"The not talking to me? Calling me Aria, and I donno being a jerk in general." I state walking closer.
"Go back inside Aria." Matteo keeps his eyes to the ground sliding his hands into his pockets.
"So you hate me now? Because you can't even act like a decent human being and look me in the eyes now." I Scoff trying to hold back as much emotion as I could.
I could sway to the music that was playing vividly in my head.
"Of course I don't hate you! You really think I hate you?" Matteo shakes his head in disbelief chuckling at my words sarcastically.
He steps closer making these next words loud and clear to me. "I cannot look you in the eye because I know that if I do I'll never look away." His voice cracks.
I take another step closer in sync with the music trying to be as clear as I could beZ "Fine. Then how do we do this? We just ignore each other?" I scoff "Matteo we have the same friends, classes and your always at our bakery."
I laugh trying to curl back my tears and into a box on a shelf.
"If you truly feel nothing for me. Then I have to have nothing to do with you. If I'm to move on from this." Matteo and I were now inches apart just like In that bloody garden.
"Lie to me then" the words escape from my mouth wondering what I wanted.
"Really Aria? If I could I would. If I had the strength to; I would be pretending to be friends with you. Push away my feeling. But I can't put off this feeling. You know I can't." He smiles throwing his hands up.
"Look me in the eyes and tell me you want nothing to do with me."
The world fell to pieces. My walls fell down. Oceans parted. Droplets of rain split. Half notes split to quarter notes.
And I stood there less than a inch from everything I wanted.
His eyes were a forest I would want to get lost in forever. Maybe I never wanted to come out. Or I was trapped. Either way his eyes had captured me utterly speechless.
"I want nothing to do with you." 7 words. All to end such a beautiful mess. Maybe a mess I made. Or we both did. But it still was a mess. Did I want the ocean or the forest?
I feel piano notes pumping like blood on my heart.
"Fine. If this will help you. I will be nothing more than Aria emberson. We only have the same friends. We are nothing more and nothing less. If you truly want nothing to do with me. You shall loose me. But I want to make one thing clear Moretti." I state right in his face. Attaching my finger onto his chest pushing further. "This is your request. You want to loose me? Fine. You will utterly and completely loose me."
I catch my breath in disbelief.
Every note builded up with compassion. In disbelief and confusion. Muscle memory. My fingers crashed on the piano of hearts. Every pump of blood was another melody. The perfect melody.
A Aria.
I wanted for the forest to grow taller. I waited for the ocean to be wider. I waited for a stop sign. I waited for him to stop me.
A small tear falls from my cheek and I know now it's utterly over.
I waited for the final note play. The breath of relief that it's over. The final note came and went. But I'm still here. Waiting for the breath of relief.
I walk back to the doorstep with all my courage I could find.
"And for the record. This is the last thing I wanted. This is on you Matteo."
The melody ends. The oceans drain. And I part.
