Epsilon [Werewolf]

Chapter 62

Every day was the same. Wake up, remember my sad reality, get taken out to bite innocent people, go back to my cell, then curl up in a ball and fall asleep, praying for both the sake of me and the humans that I wouldn't wake up the next day. That never happened, of course, but it was the only thing that bought me sleep.

Zion had tried talking to me, as did Alia. I ignored them, or rather, I couldn't face them. Not after everything I'd done. I couldn't bring myself to answer their queries, their concerns. Perhaps that made me an asshole, considering what I'd done to involve both of them in this mess, but I just... couldn't.

I was weak.

After what felt like weeks of this, I finally came to accept that going to sleep and hoping for death simply wasn't going to cut it, nor would ignoring my friends. There was no way out of this situation, unlike Zion had insisted -- by death or otherwise. But what gave me the right to turn a  blind eye to my friends, because of my own cowardice? Nothing. Nothing gave me the right. 

So, when Zion asked me a tentative, 'are you okay?' one day, I finally answered. 

"Yes, I'm fine."

Choppy, and maybe a little curt, but it was a good start. I could basically feel Zion's relief at the sound of my voice, the relief of knowing I hadn't entirely lost myself. Across the halls, I saw Alia's figure perk up as well. The sight hurt my heart. 

"Kyra--" Zion said, his voice heavy with an emotion I knew all-too-well nowadays. Anguish. 

He remained silent, but that one word had conveyed everything. His relief that I was still here. His anger towards Azriel. His frustration at the situation, of the injustice it bought us. The hope that was beginning to dwindle.

Silence filled the halls, a silence so much louder than before. 

"I'm glad you're okay, Kyra," Alia offered, and my heart wrenched. Her words were so sincere, so understanding. She should be yelling at me, berating me for getting her involved in this mess. But she wouldn't, and that was what hurt the most. "Zion told me what they're doing, what... he's doing..."

Her voice trailed off. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to chase away the azure eyes that floated in my mind, trying to dissolve the sensation of flesh under my teeth as I turned humans into beings not even the werewolves seemed to accept. Cursing them with the same fate that had been thrust upon me -- a worse one at that. 

 "Alia?" I asked, hearing the wariness in my own voice. The pain, the guilt, and hunger were beginning to catch up to me. I swallowed. "Alia, why aren't you angry at me? You haven't said one damming word to me, not once. So... why?"

Silence. I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing for the long-awaited tongue-lashing, the berating that was long overdue.

"Why would I be mad at you, Kyra? You were deceived."

Her words shattered my heart in two. For the first time in perhaps weeks, tears formed in my eyes. "No, I did this," I insisted, voice breaking. "I ignored Zion's warnings. I gave in to my selfish desires to involve you in this world. In my stupid, little imaginary world, I really believed... I really believed we could still be friends. Hell, I even envisioned us having picnics at the forest's edge. But now look at us!"

"Kyra--"

"It's all my fault!" I yelled, voice cracking with anguish. The tears were rolling in rivers now. "It's my fucking fault, Alia, and you're just too much of a sweetheart to say it. Please, just yell at me--"

"Kyra, stop." It was Zion. I could see the golden torchlight gleaming in his dim, green eyes. "Blaming yourself won't help the situation we're in, you have to remember that. We must keep our heads up and our hopes high, else we'll never get out of this mess--"