BTS Sickfics [Volume 2]

Jimin: Self-Harm

Since we're so busy, I've barely gotten any time to slip, and when I ever do, it's just a quick fifteen minutes to half an hour. Even the members say that they're okay with it, they seem reluctant as everyone just wants to get done with practice as soon as possible. And that's when it's really, really taking a toll on my mental health.

I can't help it. I can't help feeling depressed. Why am I stuck in this repeating loop? Practicing, resting, more practicing, and barely any eating. Now, the sight of food makes me sick. I don't want to eat anymore. All the others are talking about is just practice over and over again. Talking about how each person should improve on which move, about how we could do better. This has become such a common topic, I don't dare to talk about how weary and exhausted I am.

Usually, I like to talk to someone to feel better. I'd sort of rant all my troubles to someone, then my stress would be much relieved. But then, again, nowadays, nobody's free to do so. They're just too busy working, working, and working. I could talk to my parents about it, but they don't know about my littlespace and it'd just be difficult to beat around the bush.

So that's why I can't help it. Can't help the repeated scars on my wrist. I don't know why, but even if they hurt, they help glue the cracks in my heart back tight. I don't know why, I'm trying to undo everything back again, but it's like an addiction. Once I've started it, I can't stop. It soothes the pain in my heart.

I don't even feel little at this point anymore. It's just cutting, cutting, and more cutting. I've become more reserved, and I'm always hidden in my room, holding my blade, and harming myself. Is it right? Do I deserve this? There are lots of questions that I don't have the answers to. Please tell me it'll be over, please...

End of POV

***

Hoseok's POV:

Something's wrong with Jimin. I just know it. He's not his usual cheery self anymore. Usually, even if there are long hours of practice and barely any time to rest, he's the one who cheers us up and motivates us to keep going. But now, he doesn't even show a smile. And he probably thinks we haven't noticed, but he hasn't been little for quite a while -- unless it's what he does when he hides in his room for up to a few hours.

I want to help him, but every time I try to approach him and talk, I either have something else to do, or he just avoids me. He basically avoids all of us right now. The others may be too busy to notice, but he's become more reserved these days. I hope he isn't really upset or anything, and I wish that he could tell us what's wrong.

Today is a Saturday. Even if it's supposed to be a free day for all of us, Namjoon and Yoongi hyung are already in their studio, working on their songs for the comeback that's in two weeks. It's supposed to be finished way long ago, but those two still want to double-check the songs one last time before we upload them.

Taehyung and Jungkook, who have finished their breakfast already, are playing early video games on the couch. Jin hyung is just reading a book in the corner, checking up on all of us in the living room from time to time. Except for one, and it's Jimin. Yet again, he's hidden in his room. He may still be sleeping, but it's ten in the morning and we all know for a fact that he's an early bird, even on our holidays.

"Anyone noticed that Jimin hasn't been little in a while?" I call out to everyone, trying to grab their attention from what they're doing. "Yeah," Taehyung replies, but his eyes still stay focused on the TV screen. "Maybe he's just busy," Seokjin looks up from his book with a fond smile. "Yeah, I know, but don't you think he's changed a lot in a way? Like, he never smiles right now."

What I say makes my own heart sink.

"He's barely been little, he's still slouched in his room till ten in the morning, h-hyung," I gaze at Jin hyung, who's the only one paying full attention. "He doesn't feel like Jimin anymore. We should see what's wrong."