BTS Sickfics [Volume 2]

Jimin: Self-Harm

Requested by @pharless :)

Trigger warning: Please don't read this if you're sensitive to self-harm/suicidal thoughts/depression

I'm not really a professional at these ^ types of stuff, so forgive me and please inform me if I make any mistakes.

Also, this contains littlespace ^_^ because it was requested~

For some reason, I now prefer writing POVs for sickfics.

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Jimin's POV:

It's tough.

So tough being an idol, so tough having to attend shows or performances every single day, and so damn tough to be crowded by fans every single moment. Don't get me wrong, I love our fans, but some of them always get way past the line. It's okay to love us, to be an ARMY, but please, stop trying to break past security and into our dorms.

Not only that. Every darn thing I say, and every fricking thing I do is under watch. Every day, I'm supposed to be careful and aware of the media trying to break past our boundaries and write about our daily lives. I may be a famous singer or dancer out there, but deep inside, I'm still Jimin. I'm just a twenty-four-year-old young adult who wants to live out his passion and dreams. I don't get why I have to face all this.

Once, I got involved in a scandal that I had completely no idea about. Probably just some media trying to write the fame out of us. As usual, I'm trending yet again on social media, ARMYs are defending me, there are thousands and millions of posts about it, and it's all just people swearing and arguing about whatever.

I don't need this. I just want to fulfill my goals and dreams, and live the best of my life. It's so fun and enjoyable being around the boys, of course. We're just seven silly men who want to have fun in life, isn't it? But we all can be tired sometimes, so tired that we may break down. I remember, back when we just debuted, Yoongi hyung used to have tons of panic attacks, and he even had to rely on medication to cope. It's horrible, I know, I've witnessed them myself.

Life's gotten way better now, we've had much more fans, and we don't have to go on the streets passing out concert flyers like how we used to do. Still. Many may be jealous of this fame, but I sometimes want a break from this. I just want to break free from my idol responsibilities at times and forget about everything. Return to the young, innocent Jimin I used to be. And that's how I found out I was a little. I was caught by Jin hyung one day (because you can never hide anything from him), sucking on a pacifier, but the members all accepted me for it. For who I am. They even take care of my little self sometimes. I don't know about the public though.

Ever since I've been a little two years ago, I'm slipping weekly to relieve the heavy amounts of stress. It's great, to be honest. I used to worry this would increase the members' pressure, but they've shown me that they're great with it. They'll probably be good dads in the future. Just saying.

Recently, life has been filled with concerts, more concerts, and a whole world tour. It definitely excites me when I'm with our fans, but it really takes a toll on our bodies both mentally and physically, and when we return to Korea, at least one of us has to be hurt and injured. And I feel kind of guilty for dreading the upcoming concert in Seoul two weeks later. It's so close that we're rehearsing every single day, and that we're literally spending hours in the practice room. Late-night practices have become common things now, and no one scolds me for doing it, because, well, every else is just doing the same.