What the Heart Wants: Book 3

14

TW: Minor graphic fighting scenes ahead

"I have to go," I told Gandalf and Bilbo.

I turned to look at my brother whose prior look of sympathy was replaced with one of utter confusion.

"What do you mean?" He asked, looking between me and the Company who was now fighting alongside Dain, "You can't seriously be thinking of going right now."

"Of course I am Bilbo. It's obvious the sickness has worn off has it not, Gandalf?" I asked the wizard.

"It would appear y/n is correct. Thorin would never leave his hold if still impacted by dragon sickness. I would believe that this turn of events would mean we have regained our trusty dwarven king." Gandalf smiled, clearly as happy with Thorin's improvement as I was.

Bilbo remained silent.

"What's gotten into you? Two seconds ago you were consoling me and now you've changed your mind?" I asked, my tone dripping with annoyance.

"The last time he saw you, y/n, he hit you. He belittled the both of us, then slapped you across the face. How could you be so quick to forgive and forget?"

"Obviously I haven't forgotten but that wasn't him. Do you think the Thorin we knew in Beorn's cottage or in Thranduil's dungeon would have done that? It was the gold and it wasn't his conscious mind. I haven't forgiven him but I do love him and if there's a chance I can hear him out then I will."

Bilbo sighed but his expression changed, "You're right. I don't understand the same way but that doesn't mean my judgement of him is justified. I'll help you get to him in any way I can."

I smiled and placed my hand on his shoulder before looking at Gandalf.

"I appreciate that Bilbo, I do. But this is something I need to do alone. I can't be dragging you both away from the battle to help me reconnect with Thorin. I have my weapon and my ability to stay hidden from most if I chose to," I told them, earning a look of understanding from Gandalf.

"What? No. No, I'm not leaving you alone," Bilbo said, looking to Gandalf for support.

"Y/n is able to hold her own. This is something she needs to do and I think it's best we let her do it while helping out in the city while we can," He told my brother.

"If you die, I'll kill you," He whispered, pulling me in for a hug.

"I'll be back in time for tea," I whispered back, my eyes growing cloudy with tears.

I smiled at them both before turning away and heading back the way I had come. It would be easy to bring them both and it was probably stupid to go alone but I stood by what my gut told me. It wasn't fair to force Bilbo and Gandalf to follow me down a path that wasn't their own. Thorin was my cause; my reason; my purpose. I needed to do this alone.

The walk back on my own felt longer. The area we had come from seemed to have been cleared and signs of life came from Laketown men which gave me a reassuring feeling of safety. I held my sword in front of me, nonetheless. Attacks always seemed to arrive when one was least expecting it and I knew I couldn't let my guard down, even for a moment. I continued down the path, doing my best to follow the roads that felt familiar. Eventually, I would either hit the city's walls or a way out so it didn't matter too much which roads I took. I guttural sound just off to my left sent a chill down my spine and I turned my head quickly. A single orc emerged from behind a broken building and was feasting on what looked like a poor man's leg. I sprinted as fast as I could to the closest bit of shelter, a broken-off piece of building that must have been damaged during Smaug's first encounter with this area of Middle Earth.