The Girl He Never Knew | SVT THE8

16 | girl in the mirror

I really wanted to tell him it was just a lie, that I said it because I was afraid of revealing the truth - that I was so happy to see him again.

Because I'm not supposed to be happy, I'm suppose to be over him.

When my phone started buzzing, I pulled it out from my bag to check that it was my mom calling. Guess this is my cue to leave. I looked at Myungho first, putting on my best smile. "It was really nice seeing you again, but erm... I gotta go."

"Right. Me too," he forced up a small smile, seeming distracted by my buzzing phone. I wished I could say something to lighten his mood, but nothing good would come out of my mouth.

"Goodbye," was all I said to cut off the long silence.

"Bye," Myungho responded back, and I walked away first to answer my mom's call.

That was how we concluded the night.

...

I tapped my key card on the hotel door and waited for the pad to flash green, granting me access. Pushing the door open, I walked into the carpeted room, tossed my handbag on the queen-sized bed, kicked my heels aside, and headed for the polished bathroom.

I let my hair fall over as I faced down to the white porcelain basin, my hands pressing down the sides to support my whole body weight, and allowed the thoughts to consume me.

How did I end up ruining my plans today? The ending scene with Myungho replayed in my head, making me reflect on the things I've said. I squeezed my eyes tight, hating myself for ending things so abruptly. We didn't leave a contact for each other and I regret it now because we might never see each other again. After today's encounter, he must have given up on me and that made me feel lousier.

"You brought this upon yourself, Yujin." I talked to my reflection. The girl in the mirror was a pathetic mess, I could see right through her flaws. "You don't deserve to cry," I reasoned, but I was already shaking and spilling tears. I choked once, twice, thrice and let all the bad flashbacks of today bite me back.

Why didn't I retaliate when the jerk threatened me back at Namsan Tower? Why didn't I shout for help? Why did I have to look so pathetic in front of Myungho?

I wanted to look my best so that he would regret letting me go back then, but this is not my best. I'm still the same old me, obsessed with people's judgment of me, obsessed with the way Myungho thought of me...

I took out my phone and called Dr Carmen to talk about my exhausting day. For the rest of the night, I sat inside the bathtub with the phone pressed to my ear and poured my heart out to her.

...

I woke up the next morning with my body curled up inside the bathtub and my phone lying somewhere beside me. My neck was stiff down to my bones thanks to the cold hard tub. After several good stretches, I picked up my phone and climbed out of the bathtub. With the advice Dr Carmen gave me last night, I was ready to take on a brand new day with my plans pushed forward.

It was time to end my vacation and get down to business. To keep myself occupied and proceed with the main reason for my return.

I made extra efforts to doll up today for a boost of confidence, as recommended by Dr Carmen. When I was done straightening my hair, I pulled out my matt red lipstick and leaned close to the mirror. Perking up my lips, I applied the red fully across to give it the final touch.