Silence- Hisoka x Reader

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Warnings: Alcohol, swearing, fucked up love
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Often, you find yourself wondering if Hisoka cares for you the way you care for him. It's such a silly thing to hope for, especially when you know how he is.

That doesn't stop you though, and you can only blame yourself for the way you feel, because Hisoka had made it obvious he didn't care about anything or anyone right from the start.

To think you'd be the exception was stupid.

"Meet me after my fight," Hisoka said, getting ready to walk out the door. "Dinner will be on me."

It's routine. Hisoka wins his fight and then takes you to your favorite restaurant to celebrate his win.

Nodding, you gave him an air kiss, wishing him good luck.

Once he fully left the room, you fell backwards onto his bed- which is also your bed. You and Hisoka are roommates that share a bed, even though you have your own room identical to his down the hall.

Sometimes, you think about leaving him. About traveling on your own and allowing yourself to move on. Of course you wouldn't, but you want to.

"He loves me, he loves me not," you whispered, turning on your side, wishing you had a flower to play that childish game.

Knowing Hisoka would be done with his fight soon, you left the room and made your way down the hall and to the elevator, planning to meet him half-way in his exit hall.

You weren't focused as you left the elevator, a light, "oof," leaving you as you collided with the stranger in front of you.

"Oh, I am so sorry," you apologized, picking up the card the stranger dropped. "I should have been paying better attention to my surroundings."

He shook his head, gently taking the card from your hand, "Don't apologize, happens all the time."

You still felt bad, "Is there any way I could make it up to you? It would make me feel better."

The man paused, turning his head slightly as he watched you, "I suppose you could b-"

"Ah, (y/n)! Who's your little friend here?" Hisoka asked, wrapping an arm around your waist.

Unbeknownst to you, Hisoka was pissed. He knows exactly who the man in front of you is, the same man he's been trying to keep you from.

Realizing you never learned his name, you shrugged, your face hot with embarrassment.

The man stepped forward, offering his hand to Hisoka, "I'm one of the floor masters, I'm sure you've heard of me."

Hisoka gently pushed you behind him, disregarding the outstretched hand, "Of course. If you don't mind, we will be leaving now."

"But she hasn't properly apologized to me for making me drop my card."

Hisoka pulled you forward with him, pushing past the floor master, "I'll send a check your way for it."

You couldn't help but roll your eyes and mouth 'i'm sorry,' to the man.

Something was bothering Hisoka, you could tell that much. He was much more on edge and snappy than usual, not even letting you talk to your friends. Hisoka was being...clingy, not that you were complaining.

"Hisoka, are you feeling okay? You've been a little off today.." you said, voice trailing off at the end.

He didn't look at you. Instead, he downed another shot. "I'm feeling great."

"Hisoka, you're not a good liar."

You're right, he's an exceptional liar, but with you he finds it so hard to lie. The thing he does best without even thinking, now impossible. He hates it, hates you for how vulnerable you make him.

A brief silence covered the room, you wanted to leave.

Finally, he looked at you, "Do you know how many times I have thought about killing you?"

His question caught you off guard, scaring you quite a bit as well.

"The answer is a lot," he finished, downing his last shot as he stood up. "You make me so frustrated, I hate it. I hate the way you make me feel."

Confused, you were so confused, "I don-"

"I should kill you, you're nothing but a weakness that'll get us killed. I can't be feeling this way, like I have something to lose."

Oh, oh. This is his twisted, fucked up way to say 'I love you.'

Silence, once again. Hisoka was done speaking, or at least you think he is, and you were speechless.

I mean, you love him too, but you never thought of him as a weakness to kill.

"Say something."

He was demanding you to speak, but how could you speak when you have nothing to say?

'Deep breaths'

"I don't know what to say," you started, unsure of how to word things. "Let me start with I love you, but what the fuck Hisoka? Is that your fucked up way of saying I love you?"

Short answer: yes.

"Second of all, I've never seen you as a weakness, only a strength."

You were hurt. Ecstatic that he loves you in his own messed up way, but hurt he saw you as a weakness.

He huffed, a ghost of a smile present. He was relieved to know his feelings weren't one-sided, but he didn't mean to hurt your feelings in the process, it just happened. "Let's focus on us, you can yell at me all you want later in our room."

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