Undecided /Sadie Kane X Percy/

Sadie POV: Not again...

I immediately regretted saying that out loud.

His beautiful face contorted with pain, and he stood up, gently pushing me off him.

"No, no, no, no, no" he said, shaking his head continuously, while running his fingers through his hair.

There weren't many things that got through to Anubis and make him lose his shit, my death was one of them.

"You can't mean it do you?" he asked, panic laced through his words, however, I couldn't calm him down, because he continued "You know what you are talking about right? You will miss out on a whole life! Marriage, children, adventures, family so many things I can never give to you no matter how much I long to Sadie..." his voice cracked here.

"Hey, it's okay... I'm sorry" I said, placing my palm on his cheek lovingly, and brushed under his eye with my thumb, until he pulled me into a crushing hug.

"You know, if you just want to get rid of me you can just say that right?" I tried to defuse the tension (⚯⚡), but his weak attempt at smiling let me know it wasn't the time for my stupid jokes.

"I just don't wanna leave. Leave you, leave Mum, leave Dad, I haven't been this happy ever since..." I said, trying to... I don't even know what, when it struck me; I haven't been this happy since he erased my memories. I have been happier in the past two years, it's just that those few months despite the shame and guilt that followed after were happy.

"I know my lady, I know..." He said, and I suddenly got the ghosting feeling he knew what I was thinking about.

"And also Sadie... I think we should break up." He said, his voice faint, and that was the part when it was my turn to have my breakdown. "I can't go up there, and this-" he gestured to me, talking about me turning into a ghost "-might disappear when you go up, but when you come down here, it won't start over; it will continue from where you are right now, and now you are almost..." he cut himself short, and let out a sigh filled with eons of tiredness and agony.

I stepped further away from him, and my breathing quickened. I could feel the rope around my chest being tightened to a point where I couldn't breathe anymore, my stomach contracted into one uncomfortable ball. I tried catching my breath, but I couldn't. I heaved as the one I have sacrificed so much for, the one I truly loved, the one I have had as a stable point in my life for the past years in my life told me we should go our separate ways. And now, even if I only came down to visit, I couldn't even stay, because I would die. This meant I could never spend more time with my ghost Mum, who wasn't allowed up there.

Then slowly people who I would hurt by dying came to line up in my mind; Anubis, Carter, Zia, Mum, Dad and... never mind. it wasn't just about me. The last time I almost died Carter would have plunged himself into depression, and I could not allow that, that nerd needed protection from me. And the kids in the Nome...

"If this is coming from the same place your stupid idea of me being better without you than you know my opinion" I managed to squeeze out of myself.

I could see from his facial expression that he was getting worried from my hyperventilation and that he was dead serious.

The next few seconds were heavy, filled with such an uncomfortable silence, me still digesting what I had just heard, and him probably making plans how to and where to move me.

"I.." I couldn't get more out of myself, and I could see his struggle. I knew he loves me, he has been telling me non-stop since the first time he said it, but this just felt so foreign, this unusual rejection.

"I"m sorry I have to go" I muttered, and the drama queen I am I ran out of the room, even though I heard him calling my name behind my back.

I can't believe this is happening again.

I just sat in the room after I shoved the door closed, threw my back against it, and let my tears flow down my cheeks as I silently sobbed and mourned my life here.

After a while, I felt numb.

I just stared at the wall, my head aching from hours of crying.

I slowly raised my wrist so I can see it.

I could see my veins so clearly now. As If I were made of glass, I ran my finger on my veins. It is so incredible, how veins are one of the most important parts of the human body... How one cut on the right one could end a life, and a stitch on another one can save a life. How many people have used these veins as an escape, because they couldn't bear life anymore. Maybe they were alone. Maybe they were insecure. Maybe they had a horrible background. Maybe all of that and/or more.

I shook my head, trying to clear it, and I went to pack my most treasured stuff.

A few photos of Anubis and me that I made, my favorite dress, my other boots, and a necklace with a jackal engraved in it.

I suddenly threw my stuff on the ground, letting it spill from the backpack. I am not going anywhere! This is my home! With my parents! Anubis!

Once again I broke down crying, and this time Anubis couldn't bear it anymore from the other side of the door.

"Sadie let me in dear" he said while knocking, and I just shook my head as if he could see it.

"Sadie!" he said getting worried, and banged on the door. "Let me in please" his voice got desperate.

I whimpered, and hugged my knees as my best attempt to calm down. The next thing I knew was that the door crumbled into a pile of black dust and Anubis embraced me.

It felt so familiar, like home. His cobalt and amber scent slowly taking over my senses, succeeding in dragging me back down to earth.

"I can't believe you are so okay that I have to go" I whispered unbelievingly my gaze unfocused.

I could feel his eyebrows raising, and an unsatisfied expression taking over his face.

"You are always so off track of what I feel." He said his voice a bit annoyed. " You know I love you, and I loathe that you have to go, but I am okay with it because I know that this is what is best for you. You will grow out of me, you will see one day that we did the right thing. I love you, and that means I want what is best for you, even if I am not there." He mumbled, and to this day, I am not sure whether it was to himself or to me.

"I don't want to go! I won't go! And what if it is okay for me? What about you? You are always so goddamn selfless, and you have to get that I feel the same towards you! I am okay if you are! I just can't!" Despite being in his embrace, I could feel myself crumbling again, and him tensing up.

"I will be happy Sadie. As long as you are." He said in a caring tone, and before I could argue, I blacked out.