Idalene (gxg)

19

Best night ever.

"Gale, last night was a mistake"

Worst morning ever.

"What?"

"I mean, we were both drunk and one thing lead to another, but last night was a mistake, okay?"

It certainly didn't feel like a mistake, especially when you were moaning my name.

"Really? You think it was a mistake?"

"Yeah, can we please forget it and act like this never happened?" she motioned her finger between us. At that moment my heart broke. I just wanted to go home and isolate myself from everyone for a long time. It started getting harder to breathe and it fucking sucked.

"Yeah, okay." I started getting dressed. Just don't cry, Gale. Don't think about how much this hurts, just hold it until you are home.

"It's just that I have this thing going on with Frank, and he is a total sweetheart, and I really don't want to screw anything with him because of last night, you know."

"Whatever you say. I should probably go now."

"I'm sorry it happened, okay? Don't be upset, alright?"

"Yeah, whatever you say, Ida. See you around." I couldn't bear looking at her, no not today. I don't want to see her green eyes, because if I do, I'm going to start crying and it's not what I need right now.

I did what I promised myself to do, I isolated myself from everyone, including Bas. My phone has been on Don't Disturb mode for two weeks, I haven't checked my social media nor replied to any missed calls. I couldn't. This feeling sucked, every morning I would wake up tired. I would eat just so I wouldn't pass out while working. Numb body during the day, shaking and sweating during the night, what a perfect life, huh. What went wrong? What could I have done to change it? Why not me? Was it my crooked smile? Maybe I was not skinny enough, or maybe she wanted someone who had an athletic body? The feeling of being worthless became my best friend, we two got together very well. I started hating myself, whenever I looked in the mirror, I felt like punching the reflection of myself. Dark bags under my eyes? Check. Sad music playlist? Check. Overthinking everything? You bet.

My parents started worrying about me, but there was nothing they should worry about. I knew what I was getting into, I knew that she would break my heart and I still chose her. If there was anyone to blame, it was me and my stupid heart. The worst thing was getting up every morning to work, feeling so emotionally drained that I would imagine scenarios where I got into a car accident or something, just so I could rest for a while.

Knock knock.

It was probably my mom again, checking up on me to see if I still breathe.

"Come in." I sighed.

"I'm sorry for saying this, but, superstar, you look like shit."

Sebastian, why are you here? You shouldn't be here; I don't want you to see me like this.

"Bas, I'm not in the mood."

"What happened? I haven't heard from you in weeks, Gale."

"Nothing."

"Gale, please, I'm here for you. Please talk to me."

"What's up with you people thinking that talking will solve all my problems, huh?"

"Come on, we are best friends, what is happening to you?"

"SHE FUCKING BROKE MY HEART, BAS, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED. AND THIS FUCKING SUCKS, BECAUSE I KNEW IT WOULD EVENTUALLY HAPPEN."

"Oh."

"I hate myself, for loving her, Bas. I can't. I fucking hate myself so much." I started sobbing.

"Gale, we will get through this, okay? But don't shut me out, alright? Let's take it day by day." He grabbed my hand and pulled me into his chest.

"I FUCKING CAN'T BAS. FUCK, I'M SUCH A MESS." I screamed into his chest

"Shhh, it's alright."

It took some time, but eventually, I stopped crying. Bas and I were listening to some music while lying down on my bed.

"Let's go to a party tonight."

"I don't think it's your brightest idea, Gale."

"Oh really? You were the one telling me to stop shutting people out, and now when I decided to have some fun after a shitty month, you tell me it's not a good idea? Great, Bas, just fucking great."

"Jeez, Gale, alright let's go to a fucking party if you think it will help you. Trust me it won't."

"Please, find us a party."