Fraudulence of Bliss (STATION Series #5)

Kabanata 10

Kabanata 10

Column

A year after my mother's death, the case sunk at the pit of several cases, untouched. Kahit na gusto naming ipagpatuloy pa, bukod sa may humaharang sa paghahanap kay Melani, wala na rin kaming pondong pagkukuhanan.

Binalewala na kami ng istasyong pinagtrabahuhan ni Mama. Hanggang do'n nalang yata ang pake nila sa 'min dahil wala na si Mama. Ang "sweldong" ibinibigay nila ay dahil sa kabutihang-loob na sumustento sa 'min dahil malaki ang naitulong ni Mama sa istasyon.

The broadcasting station's chairman was kind, my father said, that's why he accepted my mother's salary. Wala na rin naman kasing pagkukuhanan ng pera dala ng pinagdaraanan ng pamilya. Hindi ko nalang inungkat pa ang bagay na lagpas do'n.

Si Rayleigh naman ay galit kay Papa. Tungkol 'yon sa desisyon ni Papa na ipagpatuloy ang kaso ni Mama, ngunit iniatras nalang din dahil hindi na raw kailangan. Naging desisyon niya 'yon bago magkaroon ng problema sa kaso.

Nagalit si Rayleigh. Nagalit din ako.

I wasn't a vocal person, but for all the emotions I couldn't put into words, my sister was there to tell what it was. Ilang araw silang nagka-away ni Papa, mas lalong lumala dahil sinabihan siya ni Rayleigh na "mahina".

It was what I wanted to tell my father—how weak he was to take back the case. But I know we were all trying to cope with a loss, and that's how he did it. Rayleigh wanted to vent her pain, so she did it by hurting others. Ako, nanahimik dahil iyon ang nakasanayan ko.

We hadn't been the same ever since.

We did try to conform with one another, but we were too hurt to even do anything. Masyado pang maaga para magpatawad.

Luckily, my father gained some of his senses back. It started when he heard that I got a part-time job last summer just to sustain our needs. Kulang ang pera kaya kung ano-anong trabaho ang pinag-applyan ko. Kinulang pa rin, hanggang sa mahimasmasan si Papa at ipinaalam na natanggap na siya sa trabaho.

He told us that his salary was great, enough to enroll us both at a private school. He was a real estate agent, and he got a big commission from every project.

Rayleigh insisted that she'd study at a public school because it was a great institution. Magandang background din daw para sa pag-aaral ng college. Pumayag si Papa ro'n.

Hindi dapat ako sa Kingston mag-aaral ngunit nando'n ang programang gusto ko at bihasa sila ro'n. My father was against it at first, since I'd pursue Mass Communications Major in Broadcasting. He didn't want me to be a reporter, and he won't support me if I'd take the program.

But I fought for it. Sinabi ko ay magtatrabaho ako para may ipambayad sa tuition o kaya mag-a-apply para sa scholarship para may discount. Pasok naman ang grades ko last year.

Ang sagot niya, bahala ka.

That's why I did it.

He did give me my allowances and I was lucky to get a full scholarship. All I had to do was to maintain it during my program. Wala nang nagawa si Papa dahil nag-aaral na 'ko ro'n. Pero tuwing umuuwi, nakatatanggap naman ako ng komento niya tungkol sa kahihinatnan ng mga reporters.

Katulad ng nakasanayan, nagbingi-bingihan ako.

I was frustrated, but I pushed myself to keep up with it. It was an inconvenience if I were to rent a dorm or an apartment. Dagdag gastusin na hindi ako sigurado kung susustentuhan ni Papa.

Mas okay na ako rito. Mas kumportable... na siyang alam ko ay kasinungalingan.

But this was the best that I could have for now.