That Pretty Fake Smile

|23|-Therapy

Cyrus's POV
"It's been a week since he was discharged. Daniel and Lukas are taking care of him mostly but he didn't let anyone stay night. I also visit him everyday. He was weird all week. I mean he won't let anyone help him in anything, doctor told him to rest so he hired a cook even when Daniel said he can cook. Daniel cooks for him pretty often but he still refused. Last night when I was there with him, his head was aching but he didn't tell me. He was very good at pretending but thankfully I noticed he was in pain and called the doctor. He is gonna kill me with worries. I don't know what his problem is. I mean why can't he just say he is in pain and needs doctor. He doesn't have to pretend to be a strong man all the time. Stupid, idiot, bastard" by the time I stopped, I was pulling my hair out in frustration

"All done?" she asked

She is Miss Peggy. My old therapist. I didn't want to come but Emma literally dragged me down here.

"Yes all done" I said, fixing my hair that I have been pulling while talking about Zayn

"Maybe he is frustrated or He feels like he is a burden to you all" she said

"Burden? No one said he is a burden to us!" I said

"tell me Cyrus. Is anyone behaving differently after the accident?" she asked, looking intensely at me

"Umm... Maybe a little" I said scratching the back of my neck

"A little bit?" she asked suspiciously

"Okay yes, we all are acting different but how can we not. That accident changed everything. Lukas become more clingy to his brother because he had already lost a brother, he doesn't want to lose Zayn either. Emma, who never thinks before saying anything in front of his family and friends, has started being careful of her words because she realized any moment can be last and she doesn't want regrets. Daniel becomes more caring, not even letting Zayn get off the bed because he can't shake off the feeling he felt when Zayn was laying on hospital bed and we didn't even know if he is gonna survive or not" I said, my eyes watering and a throbbing pain in my chest, recalling the hospital event. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths.

"What about you?" she asked, I open my eyes and looked at her. I bite my lips and looked down. I was on the verge of breaking down.

"I... I don't know. I just... Love him. I don't want to lose him but he is so careless. He always takes care of everyone but forgets about himself. You know he is so self-destructive. He thinks his pain doesn't matter. He thinks his life doesn't matter. I have been noticing a little too much since last week and I realize how he looks at himself. I called him ugly and bad names for years because he was so nice and I was scared I would like him. I shouldn't have. I really shouldn't have. He looks at himself like he is looking at the most disgusting thing. And now because of that accident, because of me, he has a scare above his eyebrow. He thinks that it made him more ugly. That's not true. He is so handsome and hot" I was crying and small sobs escape my mouth

"If you regret saying those hurtful things then rather than crying about it, why don't you say beautiful things now. It's still not too late" she said

"okay" I said

She is right. After leaving her office, I am going to call Zayn first.

"And did you want that accident to happen?" she suddenly asked

"No" I shake my head

"Did you plan it then?" she asked and I again shook my head

"Then how is it your fault?" she asked

"Charlie did it. He tried to harm Zayn because of me" I sobbed

"Charlie is mentally ill. He once attacked a stranger because he didn't like how that stranger was walking. What do you think about it? Who was at fault?" she asked

I get where this is going. She really knows how to play with mind. She is slay as a fox.

"Charlie" I mumbled

"Yes and the same with this accident. Charlie is to be blame. Not you" she said and I nodded

"thanks, I feel better" I gave her a small smile

"No need to thank me. I think that's enough for today. Come back next week again" she said

"Not happening" I sniffed, wiping my tears

"I hear that a lot" she chuckled

I chuckled along with her and got up from my seat. We shook hands and I made my way outside. I sit in my car and drive home. Tomorrow when I go to see him, I will say all those things I have been denying for so long. I am gonna fix everything. I am still scared of love but I won't hurt you. You will help me fight my fears together, won't you? Yes I know you will. I trust you. So I will stop running away.

Because no matter how much I try to push you away, my heart just keeps going back to you.

***