Ascension - Jedi: Fallen Order (Fanfic)

Chapter 30: Damaged

I gave Cal a slow clap as he entered Khosuh's mechanic shop, having watched him exit the Mantis after completing a mission all on his own.

"Impressive, Jedi Knight Cal Kestis. Didn't get lost on the way back did you?" I mocked from my place at a work bench where I stood.

Cal gave a nod and a smirk, hoisting himself up onto my work bench, legs swinging. 

Leaning on my elbows and peering up at him with a raised brow, I gave a low whistle. "You'll become a Jedi Master in no time, that is, with Cere's approval. But, you and I both know she thinks you're ready."

"Do you think I'm ready?" He asked. It was odd, I could feel the wanting for genuine approval in his tone layered underneath the question. 

I stood up, stretching my stiff upper back. "Of course. No one could be more deserving."

The crack of thunder sounded in the distance in the cloudy sky, making me lean out to look down toward the ship hangar. There was still some work that needed to be done over that way, and I wanted to get over there before it started to pour. 

Walking over to the table in the middle of the shop, I began to pack up my tools I was going to take over there. Cal hopped off the table, following me.

"Speaking of which, I can talk to Cere, perhaps she can make you a knight, like me."

A surprised laugh escaped me. "There is no way Cere would agree to that." I closed the lid of my toolbox, shrugging on my grey robe. Exiting the shop, the cool air hit me and I suppressed a shiver walking toward the hangar.

"She would. She's seen how far you've come."

My lips thinned at the comment. "Cal, you know better than to blindly assume I'd be made into  Knight, much less a Jedi Master." I stepped over a ball that bounced along in my path, waving my way through running children.

"You're going to just throw away all your progress?"

I quickened my pace, feeling rain mist against my skin. "Quick to assume such a statement, Cal," I quipped.

The ginger-haired man walked directly behind me, not bothering to walk by my side. "It's just what I've noticed. You haven't made the attempt to talk to Cere about it, or me."

The two of us entered the hangar as the downpour began, beating against the roof at a low thrum. I walked toward a X-wing that already had a bunch of missing pieces torn out of it. 

"There is nothing to talk about, that's why." I indicated, my toolbox making a low clang as I half-heartedly threw it near the wheel of the fighter ship. Shrugging my robe off, I rolled up my sleeves.

"You've been nothing but helpful since you decided to join General Khosuh's cause. Destroying fleets, refineries, encampments, rescuing rebel fighters, saving my life and a lot of other peoples lives over the year you've been here-"

"Cal." I let a warning note slip into my tone as I bent over, looking into a side panel on the ship.

"- Furthermore, you've changed. I can sense that, so can Cere, I know she can. I'll do it myself, I'll be come a Jedi Master and I will help you. I just don't see why you are holding back so much-"

I whipped around, eyes burning with anger. "BECAUSE I'M NOT GOOD LIKE YOU, CAL!" I bellowed. My voice wrung in the air, bouncing off of the walls and the ships until it was nothing but silent. A few of the pilots that had been walking around, had stopped their conversations and were staring for a few seconds before going about their business. Cal took a step away from me, eyes uncertain on how to react. 

"I'm not good, Cal," -my voice strained to a near whisper, slowly rising to normal after surrounding activity resumed- "I will never be what you are, not fully. I've meddled with the dark side, using it to hurt so many people and I'm still using it. Fear of losing what I loved led me down a one way path to which I can never return from. Overtime I did heal a little, sure, but I will tell you that making me a Knight or a Master will be a very big mistake. You on the other hand, have not had to experience what I have and I am so thankful for it. I really like you, Cal. I don't... I don't want you to make a mistake with me, and regret it for the rest of your life."

Thunder and lighting erupted outside, shaking the hangar walls. 

Letting out a sigh, I ran a hand down my face, placing them on my hips as I kept my eyes on my feet. "Don't worry about me, or think about leading me down some sort of redemption path. It will lead you to have stronger feelings than are necessary, and you'll get hurt. Stick with what you do best, as will I."

Turning around, I rested on a knee flipping open my toolbox to pull out an all-kit tool. Pushing myself to my feet I stared at the panel, flipping to the right tool. Cal still stood there, motionless and not saying a word. After a solid minute, did I hear him leave and I stopped poking and prodding at a metal panel, turning my head a little to watch him depart. Cal was caring , and willing to help others to achieve whatever goal they had tasked for him to help with. He'd always been naturally gifted, prideful and surprisingly thick-headed sometimes, but he was a good Jedi, and my best friend. If the Jedi council still existed, I would have been placed into the Jedi Service Corps. I shuddered at the mere thought of being placed in such a position. 

Cal stopped at the entrance to the hangar and turned to look back at me, at which point I'd turned my attention sharply to the panel in front of my face to avoid eye contact. An unfamiliar feeling rattled against the outside of the cage I'd placed over my heart, causing my chest to constrict. It was for the best, pushing away people always was.