Starts with a Match

Empty in a Field of Lavender

Park is perfect today. Seventy-five degrees, little bit of cloud coverage, bursts of wild lavender flowers in the taller grass around the playground and gazebo where a lot of the soldiers and their families are cooking and sitting down to eat.

It's packed, cars everywhere, parked in the grass, back-to-back. Some people are in masks; but being outside, Toby and I opted to not wear ours. Though I wish I had one just to hide my frown. Haven't seen this many of us together since the party before I left for Russia years ago.

And walking up from the truck with Toby, I feel just as unprepared as I did that day. Young and single and scared out of my mind to talk to new people.

None of these people are new, not really. But I'm still scared.

And I'm a little mad.

Toby's not in a dress.

Maybe it's my fault for staring at them in the garage like a creep.

But the skinny jeans they have on are nice, too, rolled at the ankle, paired with sneakers. And I like their blouse. A light purple, like the wild lavender. Wind keeps catching it, pulling it tight to their chest, down their stomach, billowing out behind them. They put on earrings, shiny silver studs. They look so damn good.

The moment they see Hannah in the park, they run for her, and Hannah giggles and gives Toby a big hug.

I'm straight up pouting, holding the gallons of lemonade and tea we brought, while I watch Toby and Medrano chatter like long lost buds.

Jim and Beth come up to talk to me, and I try to hold my end of the conversation, while I watch Hannah introduce some other people to Toby. They all exchange hugs. Something starts to crack in my chest, until Toby tosses hair over their shoulder, and smiles right at me.

Then the two of them dart for the bouncy house, hellbent on commandeering it away from the little kids. Jim laughs and takes the jug of lemonade, while I follow toward the gazebo and drop off the tea. It's loud here, just as noisy as it was in IKEA. But being out in the open, it's not too bad, and there's no shrill music overlapping conversation.

I shake Sergeant Seya's hand out of duty or whatever the fuck—he's in town for a three day before he goes back to Rustavi—and I nod to Donovan and Gracie and a few others as I help Jim out at the grill. I ask Jim about the border over Montana.

He says he hasn't heard anything new, and that kind of puts me at ease. Hopefully it puts Toby at ease, too.

As soon as Gracie gets up to join some other ladies, Donovan snakes over to us. I guarantee the moment he landed in the states, he made Grace take him to a barbershop before they even went to the briefing on post after Rustavi; his new haircut looks good as hell with a fresh new fade and shortened coils. Priorities. Mine went straight to eating my weight in Arby's, so I can't judge here.

He weighs a hard arm across my shoulders, even though he's half a foot shorter than I am. "Hey there, Kooper, how's it going as a married man?" he says with that 'you can't help but love me' grin..

I smile and shrug, glancing back to where Toby sped off to. They're playing red rover with a handful of other spouses and little kids. Beth's fifteen-year-old brother is taller than Toby is.

"Been fine, Don, thanks. Still moving some stuff in to the new space."

He nods and takes a swig of his beer before releasing me and coming back with one for me. I accept it just to hold it, feel it burn cold into my fingers.

Beer's not enough for me these days. Plus, I drove. I know Toby would be fine with driving. Maybe.

They might want a beer, too, and I don't know if they're a light weight.