Love me, London

fifty-three

"It's all my fault." His voice fell short. I had never seen Luke so vulnerable and in so much pain. He looked like thoroughly destroyed.

"No." I shook my head, peering up at him, "It's my fault. He came to save me. If it wasn't because of me, he would-"

"London."

"What is this?" I sobbed, "Why is this happening to me? Why?"

Seriously, how is it possible that in one's live, one could fuck up everything so badly. Times after times, I kept hoping that everything would get better. That I could fix anything, then came a divorce with Liam, breaking my friendship with Kitty, planning an escape plan which ended with the death of my friend.

I killed Xavier.

Either the damage was done by my hands or not, he came to be a part of all these plans because of me.

"Look at me." Luke said as sat down next to me on the hospital bed. His hand gripped mine, allowing his strong reassurance to surge through me, "You did not kill Xavier."

"But I was the reason-"

"You were not the reason." He insisted, firmly, while we sat in silence for a moment, "Was there anyone there?"

I tilted my head questioningly.

"At the gas station." He added.

I shook my head, "No." I heard nothing. Saw nothing, and was unaware of any stranger being there. Apart from the teen couple whom  I wished had left the gas station way before the explosive took place.

Or else, may God bless their souls.

"Are you sure, Lo?" Luke asked again.

"Yes. There was no one. Nothing." I confirmed.

With a disappointed look across his face, he shifted awkwardly in his spot, preparing to get up, "Alright." He said, "I'm going to make a few phone calls. While I am at it, why don't you get some rest."

But before he could get up and walked away, a thought tumbled through my head, stretching my hand out and grabbed his arm.

"Wait." I called, "What about that guy?"

His eyes narrowed as they dropped to me.

"What guy?"

I cleared my throat and swallowed thickly.

"The guy who killed his father." I said, "Do you think there is a chance that he was coming after Xavier too?"

And he did get him.

My answers to Luke's questions seemed to render him speechless somehow, and we continued to stare at one another for a long awkward second.

Seconds, which felt to me close to an eternity. I wasn't sure if he was getting angry or sad. Or maybe, both. All the expressions on his face were blotted out by tiredness. His eyes had no shine in them. Until he blinked, and yes, they suddenly became noticeably darkened and hardened at the same time.

"Xavier told me about his father." I trailed off and watched as Luke's expression shifted from empty to bitter, "Don't be mad. I asked him. I just wanted to know how did he get to know you."