Would Anyone Care?

Twelve

As I go down for breakfast, I can hear the tell tale retching coming from mums bathroom. I stand there listening, wishing there was something I could do for her. She is feeling the effects of her latest chemo session, even though she has had several rounds of it now, she still gets the sickness, even with the tablets. I hear the toilet flush and water running so I carry on down the stairs. As I am half way down mum comes out of the bathroom giving me a weak smile and walks back to her bedroom.

I get into the kitchen and grab two slices of bread. As I put them in the toaster and push the lever down I notice a letter on the side from the hospital. Immediately I see something typed in bold that catches my eye, Mastectomy appointment: Wednesday 6th December 2017. I pick the letter up and start to read it as I go to the fridge to get the marmalade, all of a sudden I do not feel hungry, I knew this was coming. Mum had told me last week that they had said surgery would probably be required before Christmas, but to see it in a letter, makes it all seem so real, I butter my toast and force myself to eat it. Totally forgetting I had even gotten the marmalade out and to put any on my toast, as I read and re read the letter.

I go back upstairs, knock on mums bedroom door. "Mum, I'm leaving for school. Do you need anything before I go?" The door opens and I'm surprised to see my dad standing there.
"It's OK Luce, I am still here. Not going in til later today" he says.
"Oh ok cool, I thought maybe you'd already left" I say.
As dad comes out onto landing he shuts door behind him. "No mum had a bad night so I wanted to make sure she is ok this morning" he whispers wearily. I'm not sure any of us have had a good night's sleep in weeks to be honest. "How are you doing munchkin?"
"I'm OK" I lie. "I saw the letter, downstairs, about mums operation." I look up at him, into his tired eyes.
"Ah yeah, mum was going to talk to you later on today about that. Don't go stressing about it though ok" he says as he puts a hand on my shoulder giving it a little squeeze. " I know it is scary, but we knew she was more than likely going to have it. And it may not be a nice thing but it is a good thing. If it makes mum better right?"He says reassuringly.
"Yeah I guess so." I reply.
"Good, now get your butt to school before we both feel the mighty ones wrath." He jokes making me smile.
"OK old man, laters!" I say as I turn and grab my coat and bag from my room.

I dont even remember the walk to school that morning, my focus solely on my mums operation, I don't know why that letter has effected me so much, I just can't help having this feeling in my gut. Seeing it in black and white makes it all seem so real. It kind of reinforces the severity of what mum if going through and that scares me. I walk through the gates and wonder wether to go up to tutor or round to the football pitch where I know Skye will be, it is where she always is these days. I decide to just go upstairs, not really feeling in the mood to watch Skye and Dean swoon over each over. As I get to the top of the stairs I see Ruby with the others, walking past I get a chorus of
"Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit." I am so on the verge of just giving up. I think to myself as I walk past them trying to ignore them as much as I can.

I walk down the corridor and around the corner and I am just about to go into the classroom as the door opens, Amy is standing there when she sees me she gives me a half smile and says "Hey." I just start crying and barge past her. She turns and follows me into the room "Lucy" she says quietly. I turn around tears running down my face. "Don't you ever speak to me again, you won't speak to me in front of your new friends, so how dare you fucking speak to me now" I say with as much force and bravado I can muster. "Now leave me alone!" I turn and walk to me seat, wiping the tears from my eyes, I fling myself down on my chair and just stare straight ahead. My mind full of despair and darkness. As the room fills up I just sit there, not even tying to hide the fact that I am crying. I am aware of people staring, of Ruby announcing to the room that I am upset because I didn't 'get any dick over the weekend' half the class laughing the other half just sitting in silence. I get up and go to walk out just as Mr Nunn walks in.