Dear diary

Chapter 1

April 11th, 2021

Dear diary,

That's so stupid. Who said you had to start like that? you are not even fucking close to being anywhere dear to me. I don't know you. I don't want to have anything to do with you. you are fucking forcing me to do this-this stupid book to "open up". fuck you. I hate you and I hate this stupid, ugly blue diary. I promise you-you will want to burn this fucking book when I'm finished. you are making me do this. I don't need this!

fuck you.

Naila

✎✎✎✎✎

I closed the book and went to the side of my desk, next to my bookshelf, and hid it inside of one of my shoe boxes.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I'm trying- I am, but I just can't help it and feel the anger inside me boiling again. I hate this. I hate everyone.

After a few seconds of me calming myself down, I made my way towards my window, closed the curtains, and made my way towards my bed.

I feel like I will explode any minute. Why do I feel like this? I'm trying to get this negative feeling out of my chest. this is why I went to Ayla's stupid birthday party three days ago. I didn't want to, not at all. the fact alone that I almost lost my mind, choosing a stupid birthday present for her. and having this weird complex to give the best present from all of them doesn't help. and also cost me a lot of my money, which I don't care about. I really don't, but my mother will have a fit again and tells me that I spend way too much money on a present. I hate her. She makes me go nuts someti- no, every. single. day.

I tried to talk to Ayla. I tried to open up to her, I mean she is my best friend, right? Why can't I open up to her? why can't I tell her how much I suffer. I can't even fucking sleep. because not a day goes by where I see all the memories again. everything I've been trying to suppress all these years now comes crashing down on me like a wave and drowning me in all the pain I'm trying to hide from the outside world. but how long can I do this any longer?