Discipline

A Halo in Reverse

I pull my hair back into a ponytail and finish putting on my last coat of mascara. I look at myself in the mirror, checking to make sure that I look acceptable. My gaze lowers in the mirror to my belly. I put my hand over my navel and slowly rub over my shirt. I still cannot believe this is happening.

¨Don’t worry, little one,” I whisper. ¨Mama is going to take care of you–no matter how your father acts.”

Just then, my phone buzzes.

I’m here.

I smile lightly to myself and then exit my bathroom. I grab my purse and my heart-shaped sunglasses and I head out the door. I hop on the elevator and travel down to the lobby of my apartment building. I walk out the door and a cool breeze whips through my hair–autumn is here. Spotting Alex’s car, I jog across the street and slide into the passenger’s seat.

¨Good afternoon,” he says.

¨Hello,” I respond with a smile.

¨Ready to go?”

¨You bet!”

Alex twists the key and the car roars to life. We get on our way, heading west to Allen Park to the Barnes and Noble there. I’m hunting for good baby/maternity books and I figured that would be the best place to start. I feel a bit awkward having Alex come with me. I mean, people are bound to see us together in the baby book aisle. What will they think? I don’t want to get him into another uncomfortable situation. But he insisted on going…

“We’re here,” Alex announces, turning off the car.

“Okay,” I practically whisper. I suddenly grab Alex’s wrist as he climbs out of the car. “Are you sure you want to be here? What if someone says something? I don’t think your teammates would appreciate you being out in public with me… especially in the baby section.” I bite my lip.

Alex sighs. “Elizabeth, we’ve already talked about this. Don’t worry about the guys. They can deal with it.”

“I just don’t understand…”

“Understand what?”

I get really quiet. “Why you’re being so nice to me after everything that has happened.”

Alex looks down and then back up at me, like he’s trying to search for the words. “Because I feel somewhat responsible.”

“But you shouldn’t!” I exclaim. “This is all my fault—all mine!”

“C’mon, Elizabeth, let’s just go inside. I’m not doing this here.” He gets out of the car and starts walking toward the store with a purposeful walk.

“Alex, wait!” I run after him, slowing my pace to a walk when I catch up with him.

He looks back at me I can tell he’s trying not to smile. What the hell? And I thought Max was mysteriously complicated—not that I would ever compare the two. They’re total opposites.

We enter Barnes and Noble and I’m pleased to see it’s mostly empty. It’s a Tuesday afternoon and we are betting on the fact that people will be at work or school. And we are right. Alex takes the lead, weaving through the aisles. I spot the baby aisle and break away from his side. I can feel him following me though.

I stop in front of the wall of books, feeling incredibly small. It’s the drug store with the pregnancy tests all over again. My eyes scan across the covers; babies smiling, laughing, crawling. I feel sick to my stomach and it’s not just the morning sickness.

“You okay, Elizabeth? You look a little pale…” Alex gently puts his fingertips on my shoulder.

I blink away, shaking my head. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just… a little overwhelmed.”