I Don't Believe You

Chapter 11

"You're not supposed to be in here," my brother said slowly, entering the room and closing the door firmly behind himself.

His eyes weren't the same brown they usually were, but appeared almost black now, shrouded by the lack of lighting in the room. My heart pounded as he took slow, deliberate steps toward me and stopped when he was in the glow of the lamp. It lit up his face like a flashlight from below, casting dark shadows on his softest features and burying them behind his angular ones.

"I didn't intend for you to see all this," he said, each word sounding restrained. I held my hands up in surrender and tried not to show him that I was shaking. He brushed a hand through his hair, looking at me with apprehension. I realized that he wasn't worried about what I had found, but was afraid about my reaction.

"W-what is all this?" I asked as my heart rate slowed to its normal speed and he looked around as if perceiving it for the first time. When it was clear that he was embarrassed and not angry, I began to calm down.

"I've... well, I've been looking for the truth," he stated, eyes scouring the pages as if he could make sense of it all right now. I looked up too, glancing from article to article with fear. I wasn't sure that I wanted to see everything.

"Didn't the cops say that mom did it?" I asked, nerves bouncing around in my stomach. If the police had reached a conclusion, why hadn't he? If she hadn't done anything but abandoned us anyway, did he really want to know the truth?

I clenched my body, waiting for his response.

"They think she did it," he admitted, squinting his eyes at the wall.

"What do you mean 'think'?" I asked anxiously, cocking my head to the side.

"Her fingerprints were everywhere, but it was her house, too. There were no prints on the gun at all, and no proof that she did it. They decided she did purely based on conjecture," he said. I wasn't sure that it mattered, but to him it clearly did.

"They still haven't found her," he said through gritted teeth. His hands squeezed into fists so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"Are you worried that she's still out there and could be hurting someone else?" I pressed, confused by his reaction.

"No, I'm hopeful. Because I'm going to be the one to find her," he said, shooting me a side smile.

"Koda, you can't!" I gasped, reaching out and squeezing his arm. The small wiry muscles of his youth had become large and firm in a matter of years. His arm flexed and I pulled away, frightened by the veins that bulged with his anger. I didn't want him to go.

"I have to, Slo," he said, glaring at the floor now. "I have to be the one to put her away. For Dad," he added after a pause, but the second line wasn't so believable.

"That's not smart," I warned, furious at him now. "You know Dad wouldn't have wanted you to go after her. He loved her!"

"Not enough to stop cheating on her, though," he said, before letting out a deep breath. I looked down sadly, remembering the pain of that truth. My body shook and I wanted to sob at the memory like I did when I was a child, but my heart had hardened since then.

"Koda. It's not worth your safety. What's done is done. Finding Mom isn't going to bring Dad back," I said, slowly stretching my hand out and rubbing circles on his back. He pushed my hand off and his eyes zeroed in on mine with fury.

"I didn't ask your opinion. I'm going to find her, and you can't stop me," he said, storming out of the room and slamming the door shut behind him. I remembered the little boy that protected me from bullies and wanted to see me smile more than anything, and compared him to the cold man that I saw now. They were complete opposites. One a hero and one a monster.

I wasn't sure which Koda was the real one. I wondered if I'd get a chance to find out.