It was only about a ten hour drive from where we were to the address the old lady had given us. We decided to drive through the night until we arrived at the town, and then to find a place to stop in that town. I found a small little motel that seemed clean and had good reviews, and I called while Koda drove, trying to get us a reservation.
He set our map towards the motel and we took off, driving through the desert and towns.
"So, when we find mom, are we going to be angry or scared or happy?" I asked, propping my legs up and fishing for answers. He waved his hand in my direction to tell me to throw my legs off but I just shifted them away from his hand.
He thought about my question and breathed deeply, making a sighing sound when he realized he had no answer.
"Just because I want to know if we're going in strong or what," I explained, looking over to scrutinize his face. There were lines pressed on his face like he was focused but his eyes just looked sad.
"She was always your favorite," I said, acknowledging his pain. "You were always by her side and wanted her attention more than anything else."
"She was your mother too," he said, trying to include me but failing. She was my mother, but she was never my everything like she was for him.
"Dad was always my favorite when we were really little. You know that," I said, shaking my head. I looked over at him and his eyes had darkened to that unearthly shade where the color looked like it had never been there.
"Dad," he said condescendingly, like the word no longer applied to him. By the way his hands gripped the steering wheel and his knuckles went white, he would probably prefer to be spitting the word.
"Before... everything. Well, when we were little kids, he was good. He was good to us," I whispered, thinking back to the before. Before the gun had been fired, before our dad was gone... our lives had been divided into before and after and it all came back to that moment.
"I don't care what he was before," he said through clenched teeth. I could tell he didn't forgive him for the affair. I had a hard time admitting that I didn't either. But when someone is dead, can you still be mad? Can you hold onto resentment when no one is there to receive it?
"Oh, but you care about Mom," I said sardonically. "Is it worse to cheat on your wife or to abandon your children?"
"She didn't abandon us!" he shouted, slamming on the gas inadvertently. We shot forward down the road and a car beside us swerved out of our way. I stretched out to grab his arm and calm him down but he pulled it away, nostrils flaring as his breathing grew heavier.
"Okay, I believe you. Calm down," I said, grabbing the arm rests of my chair and dropping my feet. The car rumbled beneath them as it picked up speed once more. He weaved in between cars on the two lanes, getting us farther ahead until the street was open in front of us. He took off and I watched the hand on the speedometer flutter around one hundred miles per hour.
"Koda! Slow down!" I shouted, but his eyes weren't with me now. They stared out at the road blankly and I realized he was dissociating, as he was driving the car. I trusted his instincts and experience with driving but a truck was up ahead and I wasn't sure he was seeing it. A small car was beside him which meant we couldn't get around him like we did the others.
"There's a truck, Koda," I warned him in a steady voice, pointing to it ahead of us. It was still thirty feet away, he was able to stop. His foot didn't pull back, the speedometer ticked higher and the truck got closer.
"Koda, stop dammit!" I shouted, pointing again and waiting for a response. The car's speed remained consistent and the vehicle hummed as it blasted forward. My heart began racing and I leaned up, waving a hand in front of his eyes when he didn't move. He blinked and cried out as if I was poking his eyes and not waving my hand slowly in front of him.
"What?" He asked blearly, opening his eyes as if he was just pulled from a nap. It was too late. We were directly behind the truck now and the truck was slowing for an upcoming light that had turned red. His eyes shot open as the truck got closer and he threw his hands off the wheel and over me, crying out and bracing for impact. I wasn't sure if it was smart or not but I stretched forward and looped my fingers on the wheel, pushing it to the side and sending us cleanly off the road and into the desert.
The car bounced over rocks and threw us into the window and each other as it shook and then spun out, twisting the car in a different direction until we were facing backward just off the side of the road.
Koda pressed hesitantly down on the brake and we screeched to a stop, nearly flipping the car. I could've sworn it bounced up on two wheels before coming to a full stop, smoke pouring from some part of the vehicle. The smell of burnt rubber filled the car as we both took deep breaths and then turned to see each other.
"Sloane, I'm so s-" Koda began, remorse flooding his eyes. His eyebrows pressed together and I just held up a hand, wanting him to stop. My mind was reeling. What just happened?
"I didn't mean-" he began again, but I couldn't hear it.
"JUST STOP!" I yelled, pushing my hand down to pop open my seatbelt. I struggled for the door and pushed it open before flying out. This was the middle of nowhere and there wasn't anywhere to run but I did anyway, sprinting away from the car and towards a little hill I saw that was surrounded in cream-colored boulders.
I bounded off a small rock onto one of the larger ones and a tight grin appeared when I saw a small alcove. I slipped inside, grateful for my thin frame. I knew that Koda couldn't get in here if he tried. I wasn't even sure that he could find it.
When I had settled into the niche on the cold ground, I curled up, wrapping my arms around my knees. What was that?
I couldn't get the picture of Koda, angry but despondent, out of my head. His eyes looked pitch black at my angle and his mouth was frozen in anger. He didn't move. He didn't look human. My body started to shake and my heart started to race like a train, warning me that a panic attack was coming. I had enough experience with them in the past to recognize the symptoms.
I tried to slow my breathing but it was too late. My breathing grew faster and more shallow while my heart beat out of my chest and tears began to fall. It wasn't just that Koda didn't look like my brother. It was that he looked identical to my dad. And while my dad was my favorite when we were small, he stopped being my favorite a long time ago.
VOCÊ ESTÁ LENDO
I Don't Believe You
Mistério / Suspense"The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you." -David Foster Wallace It's hard to believe that one night has the potential to change your entire life. For Sloane, that was the night that her father was murdered and her mother...
