Goddess of Light

Chapter 84 ~ Out Of Time

After what felt like years, sat on the grass, sobbing over the loss of the greatest things that I had ever had a hand in creating, the others had returned inside to the warm and Steve eventually carried me in, too.

Tears still trickling down my cheeks, Steve propped me up in a wheelchair while my shock merged into absolute, but contained, despair.

He kneeled down on the floor in front of me as tried to think of anything but reality as it was too difficult to bear. He placed his head down lightly on my lap as his tears seeped through my trousers.

I couldn't imagine how horrible it must have been for him to know that they were gone for 22 days longer than me and processing that alone and not knowing if I was ever going to make it back.

I bowed my head down, on top of his and smoothed my frail arms over his broad back as I snivelled, hoping to never physically let go of him out of fear of him slipping away like everyone else.

We held each other for what I wished had been longer before there was a light knock on the door and Bruce popped his head out from behind it and without either of us inviting him in, he slowly crept in, followed by Nat. Both of them not knowing what to say. What do you say to people who have their children wiped from existence without warning?

Silently, Nat crouched down on my right, peeling my hand from Steve and held it with a comforting look, her thumb lightly rubbing my palm, but my energy was depleting more and more and I could barely alter my expression or shed another tear, though I was sure there were more to come no matter what.

Bruce then took my other hand, prompting Steve to lean back onto his heels as Bruce carefully placed and IV in my arm, probably something to help heal me and reverse the damage of the last 22 days.

I couldn't help but think how much I had failed my babies. I was supposed to fight for them. I was supposed to give them the best lives I could, but I fought as hard as I could and it wasn't enough to save them.

If I could wish for anything right now, it would be that Steven had never stopped me killing Thanos. If I had traded my life for theirs, I would be completely content with the life I had lived but now I was stuck with the voice in my head reminding me for eternity that I had failed my family.

I heard an indistinct mumble from Bruce, prompting Nat to let go of my hand and stand up. As she was about to leave, she grazed her hand along my arm, before following Bruce out the door.

Steve then slowly climbed to his feet, his hand refusing to abandon my touch as he reached for a small first aid kit. He pulled out a few instruments before sitting down on a stool and started to clean the oozing wounds over my arms and necks, before fixing them with gauze. I could feel the stinging of the disinfectant pouring over the blisters, but it was incomparable to the stinging in my heart.

My throat ached, begging to release the pain I was experiencing as Steve started to clean out a poorly healed cut across the bridge of my nose. My lip trembled as I tried to contain it while he dabbed the cut with a small ball of cottonwool.

"I tried so hard." I shuddered as he stopped, putting the utensils down and scooted closer, his hand gliding through my matted hair and holding my head.

"So did I." He murmured, sounding just as defeated.

"But I wasn't strong enough." I whimpered as a tear trickled amongst the disinfectant coating my nose.

"Neither was I." He sighed, our eyes locking and sharing our mutual heartache. "I've missed you so much." He cooed, his hand shaking slightly as it brushed through my hair, separating the knotty strands.