Noona [Ateez]

Doubt

I nodded enthusiastically. "So? Is it true?" I asked, eyebrows arching in worry.

Please say no, please say no, please say no... I begged in my head.

"Yeah," he said, cracking an embarrassed smile.

My stomach dropped. "Wait- sorry, I'm dumb. No. No, Bosam, I don't have a crush on you, calm down. I did use to have a huge crush on you though. Actually, more than that, I think I was seriously in love with you. But not anymore- I'm actually seeing someone right now, and I'm thinking of marrying her." He corrected himself.

I was dumbfounded. All I could do was blink slowly in response, trying to process the information.

"Okay, let me explain-" he said, sensing that maybe I needed even more information. "I always had a bit of a crush on you. Back in highschool, I always thought of you as that cute tomboyish hoobae of mine. But we didn't really talk until the internship, so that was it, I just thought you were cute." He said, waiting for me to nod, indicating that I was following so far, before continuing.

"But then we became friends and started to lean on each other because of the internship. I got to know you and..." He said, looking away with an embarrassed smile and scratching the back of his neck. "I started to really fall for you. I was gathering up my courage to ask you out when I saw the way you and Chucky were interacting. You guys were flirting. I thought there was no way I could compete with that and sure enough, you guys started dating not long after you got promoted. To be honest, it hurt like a motherfucker. I thought about quitting for some time, especially when you started to lean on Jiho and Jihoon. I felt like maybe I was just a bother, someone who wasn't needed anymore and... I should just go."

"Jae..." I whined, feeling awful that he thought this way because of me. He chuckled and waved his hand dismissively, "Relax, dude. Obviously I didn't quit. I... kind of ultimately took all those things as a challenge and started working harder and harder to maybe, just maybe, become someone competent enough to compete with all the guys around you. And look where that got me! Yeah, I didn't get with you, but all my hard work got me very far into my career and now I also have a wonderful girlfriend that I want to marry- you should meet her someday. She was actually... A big part of how I got over you. 'Cause after you guys broke up, you know I... I really thought it might finally be my chance. But when even when I was there for you at your lowest, even helping with the baby, and you still called me your friend... I guess that's when I started to realize that's all I'll ever be for you." Jaehyun said.

Every word that left his mouth was hitting me like a ton of bricks. "Jae..." Was all I could apologetically, ineloquently say. "Yeah... Honestly, I didn't take that indirect rejection very well. I took to drinking and... One day, my usual bartender was gone and there she was in his place. We would talk and talk as I drank and eventually I started to heal. I asked her out on a whim, but then seriously fell for her. We've been dating for a year now, and I'm thinking of maybe popping the question. I'd like it if you met her first though. See what you think of her." He said, smiling at me. I nodded a bit, dumbfounded. "Sure. Just say when."

I felt very distracted for the rest of the day. I needed to figure myself and my feelings out. I needed guidance, so after we got home, I asked Seonghwa to please watch Rowoon, promising I'd tell them about the second meeting at dinner, and then took a cab to my destination.

I knocked on my mom's door. Soon, my mother's surprised face was in the doorway, letting me in.

"Wahhh what is our Sammie doing here on a week day? I'm so happy. Come in," she said with a bright, surprised smile that caused her small eyes that strongly resembled my own to nearly shut in bliss.