𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐏𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐨

🥥Thirty-Four🥥

"So? What do you think?"

"Chessy, I think you're a little paranoid. I just talked with her. I've practically made sure you and Niragi will be at our side when I let her go. She's going to use us... but in turn we'll be using her. No need to worry. Survival is all that matters." I tell him, draping an arm around his shoulders. He flinches at the sudden contact, but hesitantly relaxes a little.

"It's progress." He sighs, still quite tense under my arm. I raise a brow.

"Why so tense?" I ask, taking my arm away. He looks disappointed, but relieved at the same time. What's his deal? "Is there something on your mind that's bothering you?"

"I'm just having a day. That's all." I furrow my eyebrows in determination.

"Please elaborate? Perhaps I could help." I offer, hoping he'll take me up on it. He rarely ever accepts my offers of help and usually goes off on his own. Tonight feels different though, as we walk down the hallway and towards our designated rooms.

"You know how some days I'm very distant and rarely talk?"

"Mhm." I meet his eyes, letting him know that there's no judgmental thoughts passing my mind and that I'm sincerely listening with all of my heart and soul. The corners of his mouth twitch up into a small smile.

"It has to do with something that happened in my past. Something that I don't talk about with anyone. Ever."

"Not even Kuina?" I stand astonished. Him and Kuina come as a package deal. They're practically inseparable. It's ridiculous, but at the same time it's adorable.

"Not even Kuina. I'm only telling you because I trust you the most. You're the only one I trust completely and indefinitely." He whispers. Almost as if speaking at a normal volume would alert his past.

"Well, I'm honored." I pause, giving him the most loving and warm smile I can muster. "I'll listen however long you need or want me to." I tell him truthfully, extending a hand to him. He recoils at the mere suggestion of contact and I smile. I nod before letting my hand fall.

However, before it falls back to my side, he grabs it, lacing our fingers together with his eyes clenched closed. I tilt my head, taking in his tense stature. I get one step closer and watch him carefully. I give him a moment of silence, figuring he's fighting with some serious shit in his head.

"Chi," I use the nickname I first gave him, causing his eyes to snap open and meet mine immediately. There's a hint of tears filling his eyes, but he doesn't focus on it. "Is contact too much for you today?" I ask, raising our entwined hands so that he can see. "If it is, don't force yourself into an uncomfy situation. I care about your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing." I tell him softly, causing him to sigh and release my hand.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I'm just really fighting some things right now." He admits. I nod slowly, showing him that I understand.

"Do you just want to sit in the same room and not talk? Or do you want to be alone alone?" I ask.

"Your company would be nice... but no talking." He says. I immediately oblige, happy to just sit and do my own thing while he does the same. Niragi has these moments too, where he needs space, but still wants company.

I know the feeling. The feeling of needing to be around someone you love, but also wanting to do your own thing. I completely understand it. Sometimes we want to be alone. Sometimes we want to be with other humans. And sometimes, we need both at the same time.

"Can I say one last thing?" He nods. "Whatever it is you're dealing with, or fighting... I'm proud of you, I appreciate you, and I hope you feel better soon." I whisper in his ear before going to the other side of his room. He closes the door, sits on his bed and stares at the wall across from him.

I can see the tears streaming down his cheeks, and I know that he knows I'm watching. I don't make any sounds, any expressions, or any moves. It's just me, him, and our emotions.

I'm completely fine with that.

(&)
Does anyone here get those moments? Those strange moments of wanting to be alone but in someone's company at the same time? I feel that a lot. I imagine Chishiya feels it too sometimes. Just based on his character. The way he acts. (In the show. I sadly have yet to read the manga, but I really want to.)

So I wanted to add this to show that if you feel the same, it's okay. Sometimes I feel broken because of these feelings... but it's not because of that at all. It's just a feeling we all get sometimes. Some more often than others.

Thank you for reading, I love you, I appreciate you, and always treat people with kindness. Including yourself.

x niragisjam ✨💛