the roommate ；xu minghao

twenty four

reupload because the app kept telling me this hadn't been published despite me continuing to click the publish button and loading correctly...
but here it is, finally! new chapter and new book cover, enjoy reading this looong update
<3
thank you for reading, voting and leaving comments (i will read all of them if there are any)
i appreciate a lot! just knowing people like to read my story makes me happy

happy new year and stay safe everyone.

『••✎••』

At first it was only a day, then days turned into one, two weeks which soon became one full month and a half since I had last seen him or any trace of him around the apartment.

I left notes in case he would appear when I wasn't at home, but my words reached no one. Just like him and all that took place had happened in my imagination and my efforts until then meant absolutely nothing. I stopped writing long paragraphs filled with worry and resentment on those memos after around a week and a half, switching to short but efficient messages, wondering if they would bring him to open up and come back.

Maybe he was right, maybe I had been selfish with my actions, trying to fulfil the anxiety of not knowing what truly happened just to welcome in my heart the joyous sensation of finishing a task. Only for my own content.

It had been probably like that in the beginning, but spending time with him, and his story inevitably tangling me in its mysterious labyrinth, I soon found myself in the position of not being able not to consider his emotions. I couldn't bring myself to ignore his distress, his anger, his sadness as more and more was unfolding.

I cared so much about him I wouldn't have been able to suddenly stop helping in the search for answers of his past. It was evident going through old memories was painful for him and I could remember the time he asked me to just give up everything, but how could I when I was able to feel him longing for peace and for definitive answers to his questions?

Leaving all be wasn't an option. Not at that point anymore.

It was strange not seeing him for such a short yet long time : I was used to have him around everyday that not having his company made my heart sting a little. Most importantly not knowing how he was and where he was weighted on my shoulders everyday.

I tried not to think about it during the holidays, or better, I convinced myself I wasn't actually thinking about it. 

Being back in the city with my family occupied my mind from around Christmas until the New Year since I was busy with visiting relatives, giving and receiving gifts between friends and in general celebrating with everyone. When I came back in the first week of January I spent some time with the Jeonghan, Vernon and Joshua, enjoying together the festivities and eating the homemade food we both made. We actually also met with a few of their other members one day for lunch and we all had an amazing time together.

Still, there were a few moments where I would stop everything that I was doing and looked past my shoulders, as if I had sensed him or any suspect movement behind me, however I was only left with an empty feeling. Even when I was outside I wondered what it would have been like if he was there with us, all together.

I bet the loneliness that grew in his heart throughout the last few years would have started vanishing. Right now he was prisoner of his own confusion and sorrow.

It also occurred that I'd stare around the living room thinking of him or the flowers he loves so dearly, just like the method we used with the mirror, praying it would help him manifest himself in front of me.