𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄 | 𝙎𝙏𝙔𝙇𝙄𝙉𝙎𝙊𝙉

CHAPTER 32

♡| yo tenia una esperanza, en el fonda de mi alma, que un dia, te quedaras- tu conmingo

NOVEMBER 18TH, 2008 SHOWED UP in no time, and Harry wasn't really looking forward to the upcoming holiday season. 

Florida didn't have seasons, but the seasonal depression was already kicking Harry's ass a few weeks into the holidays. 

He currently finds himself in bed, staring at the calendar. Seven months. He hasn't seen, spoken, or heard from Louis in seven months. 

"Not a forever thing, my ass." Harry quotes Louis as he rolls over in his bed. 

Sure, they're not dating technically. He's single technically.  But when did Louis ever give a fuck about technicalities. He wants to say he thinks the same, that he didn't care about the technicalities, the little things they haven't worked out yet, and just say that they are dating. That Louis was his boy just as much as he was Louis'. But then that means he cheated, so maybe he'll count the technicalities just this once. 

It's not like it mattered anymore- it at least didn't seem that way. How do you not talk to someone after seven months. Things take time to heal, yes, but really? Seven months? It's not like it flew by either, time always stopped when he wasn't with Louis, and this didn't change that.

"Harry," he can hear his mom calling him from downstairs, she's been calling him for twenty minutes but he hasn't made an attempt to respond, "sweetheart, I'm gonna go do some Christmas shopping and I want you to come."

"I'm good, mom. I'd rather be here." Harry responds, going under the covers to hide himself from the sunlight.

His mom makes her way into his room, going into his closet and picking out clothes for him, "I wasn't asking," she throws the clothes on top of him, "get dressed, I don't remember the last time I saw you get out of bed."

His mom leaves his room, yelling about how she doesn't want any protesting and that getting out is for his own good. He knows she's right, but it doesn't mean he wants to go through with it. After waiting a solid five minutes in hopes that she gives up and leaves without him, he reluctantly gets up and picks out a pair of sweats and an old band tee that fits him a little too well, deciding not go with the jeans and nice shirt his mom picked out. 

He stares at his iPod for a few minutes, in any normal circumstance, he knows she would complain about him having it with him, telling him to stop listening to music and be present while they spend time together, but he's been going through the motions so she'll just have to deal with it. As compromise, he decides to keep it at a low volume, and only have one headphone in, that way she can't complain about him not hearing her when she talks, and he can listen to songs in order to feel things other than complete and utter sadness. 

"I'm sure he'll come around." his mom tries to make small talk as they get into the car. He wants to believe her, he does, but he's getting over it. He's to a point where it doesn't really matter to him, if Louis wanted him, he would be here, or he wouldn't be taking seven months.

"It's fine," he sighs, looking over at her, "I now I've been laying in bed, and while I may physically be doing nothing, I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I'm fine. If he and I were meant to be, he would've either came back, or the universe would've given me a sign. Neither happened. I'm okay with it." 

Anne doesn't respond, there's nothing more she can say, and he clearly has his mind made up. 

<3

They'd been walking around the mall for about half an hour when it happened. Harry was walking away from the Cinnabon, he needed to get something sweet in order to make himself feel better, and then he saw it.

Louis had been walking out of Spencer's, tiny bag in his hand, and there, around his waist was none other than Zayn Malik's arm. 

Needless to say, infuriated was an understatement. So that's why Louis never came back. Harry didn't want to say anything, he knew Louis saw him, he could practically hear the boys heartbeat from where he was standing. 

It doesn't matter, he was clearly right. 

Twenty minutes later, he finds himself mindlessly wandering around the clearance section of the Converse store when he hears that voice. He knew that voice anywhere. He was currently holding a pair of shoes and he was thinking about buying them, but he would give them up if it meant he wouldn't have to risk seeing, or even speaking to him.

He quickly sets the shoes down, and makes moves to turn around, but it's already too late. 

"Hey." Louis breathes, avoiding all kinds of eye contact. And believe him, Harry wanted to pretend like he didn't see him. He wanted to pretend like Louis was invisible, and just walk away. But that would be rude, and his mom raised him to be a nice person.

"Hey," he starts, he wants to leave it here, he doesn't want to continue, or try to carry any kind of conversation, "how's it going?"

"It's going," Louis shrugs, "been seeing Zayn for a few months, but it's nothing official." he was focused on the wall of shoes behind Harry, "Well, he asked me to be his boyfriend today actually, but I told him I needed time to think."

"And you decided to do it in the Converse store?" Harry raises an eyebrow at him, choosing to ignore the fact that his boy is no longer his.

"I saw you walk in here, so..." he trails off, "I don't know, okay? I like him, a lot. He's not you, meaning he's not perfect, but he's sweet, he sorta gets me. He's really protective, and-"

"And you don't have to wait." Harry cuts him off, giving Louis a look when the boy shoots him one, "Look, I know you turn eighteen in a month, but that's still time for you to wait. I know you were getting tired of that. If you weren't, you wouldn't have brought it up that day." He breaks eye contact for a little bit, and takes a deep breathe before speaking again, "Look," he starts, begging his voice not to crack, or choke up, "if you really like him, then go for it. Don't stray away because he isn't me, or whatever silly reason your mind makes you believe. Be with him, learn who you are, learn how to be with other people, or whatever it was you've decided you need to do." 

He knows it seems like he's giving Louis away, he knows that's probably how it feels to Louis, but there's only so much that he can do.

"I don't know that to do." Louis' voice is just above a whisper, "I think I should go." he mumbles, he gives Harry a quick hug, barely even touching him before he's gone. 

Of all the ways Harry wanted this year to go, this definitely wasn't it.

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uh  🧍‍♀️

im writing outta my ass man i literally have no clue what im doing???? literally no plan man im going with the flow and hoping it works 

all the love <3