Fight Fire With Fire // James Hetfield Fanfiction

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE: the bitter pill

(if you don't get the title, get out)

(that's a lie. i don't give a fuck LMAO. i am so sorry this is short i'm having a brain issue right now ANYWAYS ENJOY THE PAINFULLY LATE CHRISTMAS CHAPTER LMFAOFNJDFONJD LET'S PRAY I CAN GET THE NEW YEARS ONE OUT BEFORE 2023. also lmao the dude behind james in the pic)

"But what if we had a kid.." he suggested hypothetically in our conversation about post-high school "i mean" he blushed bright red "that would be cool.." i giggled at him softly as i braided his hair.

"Yeah, i think that would be" i replied, purposefully tugging on his hair a little bit and he groaned annoyedly, which just made me giggle even more. "If we had one, what would we name it?" i asked him, trying to continue the conversation so he wasn't embarrassed that he'd said it in the first place.

He thought for a moment before saying "i don't know.. raymond or something stupid" (no shade to any raymond's out there) he teased and i rolled my eyes at him, then kissed his cheek.

"Remind me to not let you sign the birth certificate" i teased back and he grinned at me lightly. We'd only been dating for about three months, but i knew that he was special. Which was stupid, of course, because i knew better than to assume things would last. I just couldn't help but thinking positively with james, and be excited for the future instead of worry about it.

"Are you almost done?" he whined and i nodded, letting go of his hair. He wasn't ecstatic about me braiding his hair, but i was in a bad mood prior to that, so he let me.

"You're so impatient" i mumbled and kissed his cheek "but you look cute"

"Better be glad you look cute" he muttered with a grin before kissing my lips. I wrapped my arms around his torso and pressed myself to him.

"What would you do if i did get pregnant, like now?" i asked. Of course i wasn't to my knowledge, but i was curious. He shrugged

"Apologize?" he suggested and it made me giggle. Later that day we went to a park that was close to both of our houses that we often went to when we had nothing else to do. We laid in the grass and looked at the branches on the tree above us. It was nice, but i missed natalia. Her and my father were taking a trip to san francisco, without me of course, for his work. That's why i was upset earlier that day, leading james to let me play around with his hair. I clutched his arm and laid my head on his chest, sighing

"They'll be back soon, right?" he asked me and i shook my head gently

"Two weeks" i replied softly. I could feel his heartbeat.

"Jeez.." he whispered "i wish there was something i could do"

I woke up around three in the morning, my head throbbing, feeling nauseous once again. Every time i tried to go more than two days without pills, this happened.

"Where are you going?" james mumbled half asleep at me as i tried my best to not wake him while getting off of him. I bit my lip and stroked his cheek softly, then kissed him even softer

I tried not to cry as i stumbled into cliff's room, feeling around in the dark for my bag. I had to get the pills, but i couldn't find the damn bag. My hands were shaking and tears streamed down my cheeks as i frantically searched for it.

Once i found it, the bottle wasn't there. I checked more than five times over and over again to be certain. Surely i wasn't out, i'd just gotten more a few days prior.. Instead of taking the brain power to figure out what the fuck was going on, i instead curled up in the corner and tried to keep my breathing even. i was near full on hyperventilation. I hated that feeling, but usually it didn't last as long as i got another pill or two in my system.